You Can Change The World

By Dr. Margaret Paul July 20, 2020

“Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it is the only thing that ever has.” –Margaret Mead, 1901-1978, Anthropologist, Writer and Speaker

Do you have any idea how . . . → Read More: You Can Change The World

Letting Go Of Shame

By Dr. Margaret Paul October 21, 2019

No matter how badly you currently feel about yourself, you can heal your shame and feel excited about your life.

“I have no value.” “I’m not good enough.” “I don’t like myself.” “If they really knew me, they wouldn’t like me.” “I don’t deserve to . . . → Read More: Letting Go Of Shame

Why Racism?

Discover some of the underlying causes of racism and what is necessary to heal this scourge of our society.

I do not pretend to be an expert on what causes a person to be a racist, but I would like to explore some ideas based on the principles of Inner Bonding.

Those of you . . . → Read More: Why Racism?

Are You Hiding?

“The art of living lies not in eliminating but in growing with troubles.” ~ Bernard M. Baruch

“How can I get this pain to go away?”

This is often what clients who seek my help ask me in a first session. Because they have never learned to manage and learn from their pain, they want to avoid it, eliminate it – find a way to hide from it.

The problem is that they have been unsuccessfully hiding from their pain for years by abandoning themselves – by staying focused in their head rather than their body, hoping that if they avoid feeling their feelings, the feelings will go away. They have been judging their feelings and turning to various addictions for the same reason.

When trouble comes, which it inevitably does, they intensify their avoidance of their feelings. Continue reading Are You Hiding?

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Are You Abandoning Yourself?

Do you believe that feelings of abandonment are coming from others abandoning you – or do they come from self-abandonment?


When we think about abandonment, we generally think about being left by someone. But abandonment is about leaving someone we are responsible for – a child or an old or sick person who cannot take care of themselves and whom we have agreed to take care of.

As a healthy adult, another adult can leave you, but they cannot abandon you, since they likely have not agreed to be responsible for you.

It might seem strange to you, but, as a healthy adult, when you feel abandoned by someone, it is not actually about them. It is about having abandoned yourself.

Most people don’t think about how they abandon themselves because they don’t recognize that they are responsible for themselves – physically, emotionally, spiritually, financially, relationally and organizationally. Continue reading Are You Abandoning Yourself?

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Do You Chase When Someone Withdraws?

A member of our website asked this question in our advice section:

I’ve read several of the articles on the site, but have not seen anything mentioned about “chasing” after someone who is pulling away in a relationship. That has to be a form of protection against deeper feelings, though, right? If someone is pulling away and the urge to chase after them comes up, what is the best thing to do in this situation? Thanks!

I know exactly what this woman is going through, as I used to go through the same thing. When a man I felt connected to would withdraw, shut down, or pull away in any way, I would feel a sense of panic. In my panic, I would convince myself that by being a certain way – attractive enough, sexy enough, nice enough, right enough, or convincing enough – I could get him to reconnect with me. Continue reading Do You Chase When Someone Withdraws?

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