Are You Hard On Yourself? 9 Reasons to Love Yourself Instead

If you are hard on yourself, do you believe that this is helpful to you? You might want to re-evaluate this false belief.


Are you hard on yourself? Do you think this is a good thing? Do you believe this motivates you to do better? Think again. If you are doing well, it’s likely in spite of being hard on yourself, not because of it.

Many of us grew up with parents and teachers who believed that being hard on us was the way to motivate us. As children, we absorbed their judgments of us and became strict taskmasters with ourselves.

Are you aware of the negative consequences of being hard on yourself? Continue reading Are You Hard On Yourself? 9 Reasons to Love Yourself Instead

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Single? What Are Your False Beliefs About Relationships?

If you are single, do you relate to any of these false beliefs about being in a relationship?

I have discovered that many of the single people I work with have a number of false beliefs about relationships. If you are single, do you identify with any of these beliefs?

People In Relationships Are . . . → Read More: Single? What Are Your False Beliefs About Relationships?

“Why Didn’t God Stop The Abuse?”

Have you ever wondered why God allows so much abuse, so much pain, so much war?

“God has no hands but these.” - Mother Theresa

I am often asked by my clients, “If God is all powerful, why didn’t he stop my father (or mother, or brother, or babysitter, or uncle or a stranger) . . . → Read More: “Why Didn’t God Stop The Abuse?”

Intimacy With Others Starts From Within

Have you wondered why you may be having a hard time connecting with others? “Intimacy begins with oneself. It does no good to try to find intimacy with friends, lovers, and family if you are starting out from alienation and division within yourself.” - Thomas Moore

Do you try to create intimacy with your . . . → Read More: Intimacy With Others Starts From Within

“Why Do I Feel Shame When I’m Being Blamed?”

What’s really happening when someone blames and shames you? If you stopped taking it personally, what would you be feeling?


What do you generally do when someone blames you for his or her feelings? Do you find yourself taking it personally and blaming yourself? This is what Melinda struggles with:

“How do I take loving care of myself when my partner is acting out with jealousy that he is not acknowledging? I feel blamed and shamed. It somehow feels like there’s something wrong with me, or something I’m doing even though there isn’t. What do I do with the shame? How do I love myself through it? His reaction can last a few hours or even a few days.”

Melinda, your partner’s blaming and shaming of you are his ways of avoiding responsibility for his own feelings. But the real question is, why are you taking on the blame and shame? Why are you taking his behavior personally? Continue reading “Why Do I Feel Shame When I’m Being Blamed?”

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“How Can I Not Get Hurt By Others’ Judgments?”

Do you have an expectation that if you were emotionally healthy, you would not feel hurt in the face of others’ judgments or uncaring behavior?

This is not true! Let me explain.

When you are emotionally healthy, you are less likely to be devastated by others’ behaviors, because you have learned to not take them personally. But your heart can still feel loneliness and heartache in response to others’ unloving behavior.

It is very important to learn to lovingly manage these core painful feelings of the heart.

The feelings of loneliness and heartache have vital information for you about what is going on with another person. They tell you whether the other person is open or closed, loving or unloving. You need this information in order to make good decisions about how to take care of yourself around others. Continue reading “How Can I Not Get Hurt By Others’ Judgments?”

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