Over and over, I discover that there is often ONE major reason he or she doesn’t want to have sex.

Take Lawrence as an example. Lawrence learned as an adolescent to use sex addictively. He would find his father’s porn magazines that his father thought were hidden away and use them to satisfy himself. As he grew older, he learned to use the Internet for the same purpose – turning to his sexual addiction to fill the inner emptiness that came from his self-abandonment. Because Lawrence had never learned to take responsibility for his own feelings, he had learned to use not only sex, but wine and anger as well to fill his emptiness and take away his aloneness.

Take a moment to go inside and see how you define success. Is your success defined by:

• How much money you have?
• Having a big house and an expensive car?
• How expensive your clothes are?
• Traveling first class on airlines?
• How attractive you are?
• How attractive your partner is?
• How famous you are?
• Winning or being the best at something?
• How many beautiful people want to have sex with you?
• How many friends you have?
• How much attention and approval you get?

Unfortunately, the media often supports defining success in many of the above ways.

But are you successful just because you have a lot of money, even if you had to use others to get it? What if you made millions and others suffered as a result of your choices? What if you live in a big house and drive an expensive car but find it difficult to be loving to your partner or your children – or to yourself?

What if you defined success by how much to you contribute to another or to society? What if you define success by how kind you are to yourself and to others and by what you contribute to the world? What if success is not defined by how many widgets you sell, but by how many people you help and how joyful you are?