Many people confuse boundaries – which are a way of taking loving care of yourself – with controlling behavior toward others.
Marilee told me in one of our early phone sessions: “I set a boundary. I told him that he couldn’t speak to me that way any more.”
Jackson said to me in one of our early Skype sessions: “I earn the money. My girlfriend doesn’t work, but loves to spend the money I earn. So I set a boundary. I told her that she had to stop spending so much money and racking up credit card bills.”
Both of these people are confused about what a boundary is. They think a boundary is something they set for someone else, but they are wrong.
A boundary is something you set for yourself. Continue reading Are You Confused About Boundaries in Relationships?
Are you aware of the feelings you cause yourself when you attempt to control others rather than love yourself?
“I have never been able to conceive how any rational being could propose happiness to himself from the exercise of power over others.” - Thomas Jefferson
When your intent is to control others, are you . . . → Read More: Does Controlling Others Make You Feel Happy?
Do you often feel unappreciated?
“I’m a very nice person. I’m a good guy and I do nice things for people, but they never seem to appreciate me, and I feel angry about that,” said Martin in one of our first phone sessions.
For me, this statement holds much information regarding how Martin . . . → Read More: The Power of Appreciating Yourself
Do you have an expectation that if you were emotionally healthy, you would not feel hurt in the face of others’ judgments or uncaring behavior?
This is not true! Let me explain.
When you are emotionally healthy, you are less likely to be devastated by others’ behaviors, because you have learned to not take them personally. But your heart can still feel loneliness and heartache in response to others’ unloving behavior.
It is very important to learn to lovingly manage these core painful feelings of the heart.
The feelings of loneliness and heartache have vital information for you about what is going on with another person. They tell you whether the other person is open or closed, loving or unloving. You need this information in order to make good decisions about how to take care of yourself around others. Continue reading “How Can I Not Get Hurt By Others’ Judgments?”