Does Your Partner Judge You In Front Of Others?

Do you get stuck not knowing what to say or do when your partner treats you disrespectfully?


Louise asked me:

“Do you have any suggestions on what to say when my husband says unloving words to me in front of others, including our children? I don’t want my kids to keep witnessing disrespectful behavior toward their mother. When I challenge his treatment of me, his anger escalates and the chastisement worsens. I am frequently embarrassed when I am scolded like this in front of others, but more importantly, I wish my children to understand that this is not ok. How can I model what to say to him so that my kids can learn how to take loving care of themselves in such situations?”

Continue reading Does Your Partner Judge You In Front Of Others?

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Are You Confused About Boundaries in Relationships?

Many people confuse boundaries – which are a way of taking loving care of yourself – with controlling behavior toward others.


Marilee told me in one of our early phone sessions: “I set a boundary. I told him that he couldn’t speak to me that way any more.”

Jackson said to me in one of our early Skype sessions: “I earn the money. My girlfriend doesn’t work, but loves to spend the money I earn. So I set a boundary. I told her that she had to stop spending so much money and racking up credit card bills.”

Both of these people are confused about what a boundary is. They think a boundary is something they set for someone else, but they are wrong.

A boundary is something you set for yourself. Continue reading Are You Confused About Boundaries in Relationships?

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Why Complain?

Are you a complainer? Are you ready to do something different?


“If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude. Don’t complain.” - Maya Angelou

Do you complain? If you do, why?

___I complain as a form of control – in the hopes that someone will change or fix something for me.

___I complain as a way to connect with others. When they commiserate with me, I feel less alone.

Continue reading Why Complain?

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Does Controlling Others Make You Feel Happy?

Are you aware of the feelings you cause yourself when you attempt to control others rather than love yourself?

“I have never been able to conceive how any rational being could propose happiness to himself from the exercise of power over others.” - Thomas Jefferson

When your intent is to control others, are you . . . → Read More: Does Controlling Others Make You Feel Happy?

“Why Do I Feel Shame When I’m Being Blamed?”

What’s really happening when someone blames and shames you? If you stopped taking it personally, what would you be feeling?


What do you generally do when someone blames you for his or her feelings? Do you find yourself taking it personally and blaming yourself? This is what Melinda struggles with:

“How do I take loving care of myself when my partner is acting out with jealousy that he is not acknowledging? I feel blamed and shamed. It somehow feels like there’s something wrong with me, or something I’m doing even though there isn’t. What do I do with the shame? How do I love myself through it? His reaction can last a few hours or even a few days.”

Melinda, your partner’s blaming and shaming of you are his ways of avoiding responsibility for his own feelings. But the real question is, why are you taking on the blame and shame? Why are you taking his behavior personally? Continue reading “Why Do I Feel Shame When I’m Being Blamed?”

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The Power of Appreciating Yourself

Do you often feel unappreciated?

“I’m a very nice person. I’m a good guy and I do nice things for people, but they never seem to appreciate me, and I feel angry about that,” said Martin in one of our first phone sessions.

For me, this statement holds much information regarding how Martin . . . → Read More: The Power of Appreciating Yourself