The control-resist system guarantees you won’t have a wonderful anything.
Adriann and Chandler are a sweet, successful couple in their early thirties. In spite of loving each other deeply, they often find themselves in conflict over seemingly minor issues, as most couples do. Recently, just one week before their 4th anniversary, they had a . . . → Read More: How Not To Have A Wonderful Celebration
How often have you shared your feelings and the other person became angry and defensive?
How often have you heard that it’s good to “share your feelings”? How often have you shared your feelings and it backfired on you? Perhaps you find yourself saying “But I’m just sharing my feelings!”
The problem is that . . . → Read More: When It’s Loving To Share Your Feelings…And When It’s Not
How are you limiting yourself to limit your partner? What are the consequences of this?
“As long as you keep a person down, some part of you has to be down there to hold him down, so it means you cannot soar as you otherwise might.” ~Marian Anderson 1902-1993, Concert and Opera Singer
“I’ve . . . → Read More: How Controlling Others Controls You
Do you get stuck not knowing what to say or do when your partner treats you disrespectfully?
Louise asked me:
“Do you have any suggestions on what to say when my husband says unloving words to me in front of others, including our children? I don’t want my kids to keep witnessing disrespectful behavior toward their mother. When I challenge his treatment of me, his anger escalates and the chastisement worsens. I am frequently embarrassed when I am scolded like this in front of others, but more importantly, I wish my children to understand that this is not ok. How can I model what to say to him so that my kids can learn how to take loving care of themselves in such situations?”
Continue reading Does Your Partner Judge You In Front Of Others?
Many people confuse boundaries – which are a way of taking loving care of yourself – with controlling behavior toward others.
Marilee told me in one of our early phone sessions: “I set a boundary. I told him that he couldn’t speak to me that way any more.”
Jackson said to me in one of our early Skype sessions: “I earn the money. My girlfriend doesn’t work, but loves to spend the money I earn. So I set a boundary. I told her that she had to stop spending so much money and racking up credit card bills.”
Both of these people are confused about what a boundary is. They think a boundary is something they set for someone else, but they are wrong.
A boundary is something you set for yourself. Continue reading Are You Confused About Boundaries in Relationships?