“Is My Need For Attention Reasonable or Needy?”

Have you ever wondered if your desire to share time with a partner is coming from need or neediness?


Sometimes it’s a challenge to know what are reasonable relationship needs and when we are being needy.

Klarese is asking this important question:

“I am currently dating a wonderful person who I care about greatly. A challenge for me is his job is very demanding leaving us little time to spend together. I am aware my childhood triggers of abandonment are being tickled, however, I am having a difficult time figuring out if I am being reasonable or unreasonable with my need for attention. How do I discriminate between my codependent ‘needs’ and my true need to love and be loved while living my own fulfilled life?”

Each of us has the right to want whatever amount of attention we want in a relationship. Some people love to spend a lot of time together and others need less time together. There is nothing wrong with Klarese wanting more time with a partner. Continue reading “Is My Need For Attention Reasonable or Needy?”

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How Are You and Your Partner Doing Together?

How is your relationship with your partner? What are the positive and negative aspects of your relationship?


What are the positive and negative aspects of your relationship?

When you and your partner are both operating as loving adults, you will experience many positive results. When one or both of you are operating from your wounded self, you will experience many negative results. Since no one is able to be a loving adult all the time, it is likely that you experience a combination of positives and negatives.

 

Positive: Sometimes or Always:

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“When Someone’s Behavior Affects Me, What Can I Do?”

When someone’s behavior is affecting you, what can you do, other than blame them?


We Are Not Separate

Some authors suggest that, when we are healthy enough, we will not be affected by others‘ unloving verbal behavior. We will rise above it and not take their words personally – that “Sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me.”

I strongly disagree.

Of course we are affected by others. Even a mean look can shoot through you like a poison dart. This is because on the soul level, we are not separate. On the soul level, we are One. Continue reading “When Someone’s Behavior Affects Me, What Can I Do?”

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Anger And Other Forms of Control

If you grew up in a family where one or both parents used anger to control you, then anger likely plays a role in your life now.

Did you grow up with anger in your household? Did one or both of your parents use anger as a way to keep you in line . . . → Read More: Anger And Other Forms of Control

“If Only You Would Get What You Are Doing!”

Is your relationship stuck in a pattern of blame where you both feel like victims of the other person?


One of the most common dynamics I see with the couples I work with is that each of them is convinced that if only their partner would see what he or she is doing to cause the relationship problems, their relationship would get so much better. They each see clearly what the other person is doing to cause their problems, but they are generally clueless regarding when they are doing. They truly believe that they are just reacting to the other’s unloving behavior instead of understanding that they each brought their own controlling strategies into the relationship.

An example of this is a typical situation that frequently occurs between Gavin and Julie. Continue reading “If Only You Would Get What You Are Doing!”

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When and Why to Speak Up For Yourself

Get clear on when it’s appropriate to speak up for yourself and when it isn’t.

Are you confused about if and when to speak up for yourself?

The question to ask yourself is: “Are you speaking up for yourself to take loving care of yourself, or to change the other person?”

For example, let’s . . . → Read More: When and Why to Speak Up For Yourself