Many people confuse boundaries – which are a way of taking loving care of yourself – with controlling behavior toward others.
Marilee told me in one of our early phone sessions: “I set a boundary. I told him that he couldn’t speak to me that way any more.”
Jackson said to me in one of our early Skype sessions: “I earn the money. My girlfriend doesn’t work, but loves to spend the money I earn. So I set a boundary. I told her that she had to stop spending so much money and racking up credit card bills.”
Both of these people are confused about what a boundary is. They think a boundary is something they set for someone else, but they are wrong.
Discover what you can do to give your relationship a chance.
Lauren asks:
“I have been married for 12 years, our marriage has always been a struggle of various forms. I have gotten to feel so empty and resentful that I can hardly look at my husband in the eye let alone be loving to him. I feel my inner self tell me its time to be done. But my mind tells me differently because of our wonderful children. Trying to find out if there is hope for our relationship or if I can truly feel love/intimacy for him without sacrificing my own health?”
Lauren, I don’t know enough about your relationship to know whether or not there is hope for your marriage, but what I do know is that there is much inner work for you to do before deciding that it’s time to leave. Continue reading “Is There Hope For Our Relationship?”
If you are hard on yourself, do you believe that this is helpful to you? You might want to re-evaluate this false belief.
Are you hard on yourself? Do you think this is a good thing? Do you believe this motivates you to do better? Think again. If you are doing well, it’s likely in spite of being hard on yourself, not because of it.
Many of us grew up with parents and teachers who believed that being hard on us was the way to motivate us. As children, we absorbed their judgments of us and became strict taskmasters with ourselves.
There is no time like right now to get clear on what you want to manifest in the coming year.
What do you want in the coming year?
One of the things I’ve done for many years is to write down what I want for the next year. Of course, I don’t always . . . → Read More: Manifesting Your Next Year
Discover the way out of choosing the wrong relationships over and over.
Do you find yourself choosing a similar wrong partner over and over? This is what Laura asks about:
“How can I get past the point of choosing destructive and abusive relationships over and over just because I grew up in an abusive and dysfunctional family? Is it better to just remain single and grow with God and be a good mom and not gravitate toward craziness?”
Are you staying in an abusive relationship because you believe you can change it or not be bothered by it?
The question of when to leave a relationship comes up over and over with my clients and with the members of Inner Bonding Village. In fact, my YouTube video, “When To Leave A Relationship,” is my most popular video.
Sonia asked:
“What can you advise for a couple who is struggling with one person wanting to grow, love, move forward and the other person does not want to change. The person who wants to change is going to church and has stopped all addictions; however, the other person feels threatened and fearful and is making it harder for both. Abuse is going on and I know I need to move on. He is not my husband, but we live together and I have a son living with us. I realize I can’t change him or even help him when it is hard enough to deal with my own past and inner child. When is it time to let go and move on without feeling guilty that I gave up on him? Thank you.” Continue reading Relationships: When To Let Go and Move On
One of the wonderful things we have to offer each other in our relationships is to have each other's back. Being alone with difficult challenges is very hard. But all too often, this is not how couples relate to each other. […]
Learning to love yourself is foundational for being able to love others. The more you learn to be kind and gentle with yourself, rather than judgmental and rejecting, the more loving you will be with others. […]
We cannot see the beauty in others when we are rejecting ourselves. When we allow others to define our worth, then of course we take it personally when someone rejects us -- because we have already rejected ourselves. […]
If I'm not fully present with my heart completely open, then the above experiences will not feel ecstatic and luminous. Ecstatic moments occur only when you are fully present in each moment, with your heart completely open to all that life offers -- both the wonderful and the painful. […]
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