Are you willing to do the inner work you need to do to possibly save your relationship?
Many people, like Aaron who asked the following question, seek my help because either their partner is no longer in love with them, or they are no longer in love with their partner.
“My wife has recently told me she is no longer in love, will stay for 6 months to a year for proper closure, but does intend to divorce eventually. For a week or so I tried to talk her out of it, into going to counseling, etc… but have given up on that for now. She says it just didn’t work, she’s not in love any longer. She’s about to turn 50 and says she’s spent her entire life living for a man and just wants to live for herself. I’ve offered freedom and independence without divorce, but that doesn’t seem to be her goal. Should I just give up and work on filling up my life with new meaning?” Continue reading “My Wife Is No Longer In Love With Me”
Is sex mostly gone out of your relationship? There are always good reasons for this.
Do you identify with Lawrence, whose wife won’t have sex with him? In my work with individuals and couples, I often hear this complaint. Lawrence asks:
“Would you please address how one deals with the anger, frustration, hurt, etc., . . . → Read More: “My Wife Won’t Have Sex With Me “
Infidelity is a huge challenge, but relationships can heal from this and actually become stronger.
Sheldon wrote this question to me during one of my free webinars:
“I am trying to repair my 20-year marriage after my infidelity. I was discovered by my wife two years ago. I had been visiting massage parlors and prostitutes for a period of three years. We spent six months in counseling and made a little progress, but stopped going because of issues with our counselor. My wife is still suspicious of me and has no trust in me at all. How long should I expect before I can regain a little bit of trust. I know that I can’t live the rest of my life like this.”
Sheldon, infidelity is a very challenging issue and there is much to learn from it. Something I’m not hearing in your question is what you have learned in the last two years since your wife discovered your infidelity. Visiting massage parlors and prostitutes is a sign of deep self-abandonment. Seeking these experiences indicates that you felt empty inside and were looking to be filled up externally through sexual experiences. If you have not done the inner work of discovering how you were abandoning yourself and have not learned to love yourself, fill yourself, and be a trustworthy loving adult toward yourself and your wife, then it is unrealistic for her to trust you. Continue reading Healing From Infidelity
Are you a woman who rarely or never thinks about sex? Have you believed that was something wrong with you?
Laverne wrote the following to me:
“I have never had thoughts that picture me making love with my husband – or anyone else for that matter. I imagine connection, fun and feelings of love but never making love. If it was left up to me sex would never be on the agenda, just because it would never occur to me to make love. I know when my husband would like to make love, and I enjoy it when I do make love, but it would never cross my mind if he didn’t initiate. I feel I am missing being aware and connected to a part of me. Surely a reasonably balanced and mostly connected human being should have some sort of sex drive. Your thoughts and insights would be really appreciated. Thank you.” Continue reading Why Many Women Don’t Think About Sex
Is sexual addiction a real thing, or just an excuse for bad behavior?
In a recent article in CNN.com Blogs, (http://thechart.blogs.cnn.com/2012/03/29/new-book-questions-the-myth-of-sex-addiction/?hpt=hp_bn12) psychologist David Ley states in his new book, “The Myth of Sex Addiction,” that there is no such thing as sex addiction—that the term is just an excuse for bad behavior. I disagree with that position. In my view, the label of ‘addiction’ doesn’t excuse anything. That’s because my definition of addiction is anything we do to avoid taking responsibility for our feelings and the resulting behavior. Since my definition centers around choice, it is not about an illness that is ‘happening’ to you, and therefore cannot be used as an excuse.
In my experience, addictions are a result, not a cause. While they can cause many severe problems and even death, the underlying cause is the avoidance of responsibility for one’s own emotions, and sex addiction is no exception. Continue reading Is There Such A Thing As Sexual Addiction?