Dr. Margaret PaulDr. Margaret Paul, co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding® self-healing process, the SelfQuest self-healing software program and also the author/co-author of several best-selling books.

Margaret holds a Ph.D. in psychology and is a relationship expert, public speaker, seminar leader, consultant, facilitator, and artist. She has appeared on many radio and TV shows, including the Oprah show. She has successfully worked with thousands of individuals, couples and business relationships and taught classes and seminars for over 42 years.
Innerbonding Village

Core Sadness vs. Wounded Sadness

Posted on : 03-04-2010 | By : Margaret | In : Addictions, Relationships, Self Improvement & Personal Growth, Spiritual Growth

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Very often, in my work with my clients, when I ask them what they are feeling they say, “I feel sad.” Often, they do not know why they feel sad.

Sadness comes from two very different sources.

Core Sadness

Core sadness is sadness that is in reaction to something that is happening or has happened externally. Many life situations can cause sadness, such as:

Addiction to Spending

Posted on : 16-03-2010 | By : Margaret | In : Addictions, Self Improvement & Personal Growth, Spiritual Growth

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“I keep getting into more and more debt, but I can’t seem to stop. I do great for a while, and then I just have to go shopping and buy stuff. This is going to ruin my life if I don’t stop, but how do I stop?”

Mary Beth is addicted to spending. What does this mean and how can she stop?

Mary Beth’s compulsive spending does not come out of nowhere. It is rooted in her fear of feel feelings that she believes she cannot handle. In her mind, it is easier to handle the anxiety of debt than to feel the deeper feelings – the painful feelings of life – that she believes she has to avoid.

Here is what happened that triggered Mary Beth’s last spending spree.

“I went home for Christmas and it was awful. I guess it’s always been awful, but this time seemed even worse. There was nothing I could do right in my mother’s eyes, and my father was, as usual, completely emotionally absent. At one point my mother screamed at me that I am hopeless. I thought I managed it all at the time, trying to not take it personally as she treats others this way too, but when I got home I went on the spending spree. I thought I did a really great job of not reacting to her and taking care of myself, so I don’t understand the spending.”

How do you Define Success?

Posted on : 09-03-2010 | By : Margaret | In : Addictions, Relationships, Self Improvement & Personal Growth, Spiritual Growth

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Take a moment to go inside and see how you define success. Is your success defined by:

  • How much money you have?
  • Having a big house and an expensive car?
  • How expensive your clothes are?
  • Traveling first class on airlines?
  • How attractive you are?
  • How attractive your partner is?
  • How famous you are?
  • Winning or being the best at something?
  • How many beautiful people want to have sex with you?
  • How many friends you have?
  • How much attention and approval you get?

Unfortunately, the media often supports defining success in many of the above ways.

But are you successful just because you have a lot of money, even if you had to use others to get it? What if you made millions and others suffered as a result of your choices? What if you live in a big house and drive an expensive car but find it difficult to be loving to your partner or your children – or to yourself?

What if you defined success by how much to you contribute to another or to society? What if you define success by how kind you are to yourself and to others and by what you contribute to the world? What if success is not defined by how many widgets you sell, but by how many people you help and how joyful you are?

Heartbreak

Posted on : 03-02-2010 | By : Margaret | In : Addictions, Relationships, Self Improvement & Personal Growth, Spiritual Growth

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Celine, an only child, was 7 years old, her mother died tragically in a car accident. She and her father were devastated. However, unlike so many of my clients who lost parents and no one was there for them, Celine’s father was completely there for her, even while dealing with his own grief and heartbreak. Celine could call him anytime at work and he would talk to her or come home to lovingly hold her. Because he was so completely there for her, her feelings of grief, heartbreak, sadness and sorrow did not get stuck in her body. Each time they came up, they were released due to the caring, compassion, tenderness, gentleness, consistency and understanding of her loving father.

As a result of her father’s love, Celine did not develop the fear of intimacy and loss that so many people experience as a result of the loss of the parent. She did not close her heart to protect herself from future loss.

However, most of us did not have loving parents to help us move through the heartbreaks of childhood. In fact, many us had parents that caused much of the heartbreak with various forms of abuse. We needed to numb out and find protections/addictions to manage the heartbreak and loneliness of rejection, abuse, and loss. As a result, the pain got stuck in our bodies, causing both physical and emotional damage.