“Is My Need For Attention Reasonable or Needy?”

Have you ever wondered if your desire to share time with a partner is coming from need or neediness?


Sometimes it’s a challenge to know what are reasonable relationship needs and when we are being needy.

Klarese is asking this important question:

“I am currently dating a wonderful person who I care about greatly. A challenge for me is his job is very demanding leaving us little time to spend together. I am aware my childhood triggers of abandonment are being tickled, however, I am having a difficult time figuring out if I am being reasonable or unreasonable with my need for attention. How do I discriminate between my codependent ‘needs’ and my true need to love and be loved while living my own fulfilled life?”

Each of us has the right to want whatever amount of attention we want in a relationship. Some people love to spend a lot of time together and others need less time together. There is nothing wrong with Klarese wanting more time with a partner. Continue reading “Is My Need For Attention Reasonable or Needy?”

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Challenges of The Dating Scene

Dating provides many opportunities to learn and grow. Discover some of what you can learn that will be very valuable for you.

Franklin writes:

“I am a 68 year old male who was married for 27 years and now divorced 15 years. I have fallen in love with a woman after only three months of dating, but she is disengaging by being incommunicado. I am mystified since things were going so well then suddenly she is not available. What to do?”

Franklin, as hard as it is, there is nothing you can do about her disengaging from you. You need to be very compassionate toward your own heartbreak. Generally, people do this when they get scared of intimacy. There are two major reasons they get scared: Continue reading Challenges of The Dating Scene

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Are You Emotionally Dependent?

Discover the difference between needs coming from emotional dependency and authentic needs that we have within a relationship.


Every few weeks I do a free webinar. People can listen on their computers or on the phone; they can write in asking questions or they can ask me directly on the phone. Here is one of the questions a woman – I will call her Susan – asked in a webinar on emotional dependency:

“When we are in a relationship and we have made our needs clear to our partner, is hanging on in the hope they will follow through with promises to meet our needs a sign of emotional dependency?”

The answer is – it depends on what needs you are taking about. There are some needs we have that can only be met by another person, and there are other needs that we need to learn to meet ourselves. Continue reading Are You Emotionally Dependent?

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“I Just Want to be Understood.”

“Seek first to understand and then to be understood.” – Stephen Covey

How often have you heard yourself say:

“I just want someone to understand me.”
“I just want to be heard.”
“I feel invisible.”
“I just want to be seen.”

I know what it feels like to not be understood, heard, or seen, as I spent most of the first 45 years of my life feeling invisible.

It feels terrible.

By that time I had learned to do what Stephen Covey recommends. I was very good at understanding others, but I still didn’t feel understood by them. Continue reading “I Just Want to be Understood.”

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Needs vs. Neediness

Have you wondered about the difference between legitimate needs and neediness? . . . → Read More: Needs vs. Neediness

“Why Are My Partners Always Needy?”

If you have the experience of always meeting needy or controlling people, it is likely because you are also needy and controlling and don’t realize it. . . . → Read More: “Why Are My Partners Always Needy?”