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Is your experience of love that it is scarce and limited? “Thousands of candles can be lighted from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Love never decreases by being shared. ~Chinese Proverb There seems to be a myth that love is scarce – that there is only . . . → Read More: Can We Run Out Of Love?  Comments are closed  Relationships  Abandonment, attachment anxiety, child abuse, compassion, emotional healing, fear of pain, God, God is love, Inner Bonding, Jealousy, love, Margaret Paul, rejection, self-compassion, spirituality, unconditional love What’s really happening when someone blames and shames you? If you stopped taking it personally, what would you be feeling?
What do you generally do when someone blames you for his or her feelings? Do you find yourself taking it personally and blaming yourself? This is what Melinda struggles with:
“How do I take loving care of myself when my partner is acting out with jealousy that he is not acknowledging? I feel blamed and shamed. It somehow feels like there’s something wrong with me, or something I’m doing even though there isn’t. What do I do with the shame? How do I love myself through it? His reaction can last a few hours or even a few days.” Melinda, your partner’s blaming and shaming of you are his ways of avoiding responsibility for his own feelings. But the real question is, why are you taking on the blame and shame? Why are you taking his behavior personally? Continue reading “Why Do I Feel Shame When I’m Being Blamed?”       Do you have an expectation that if you were emotionally healthy, you would not feel hurt in the face of others’ judgments or uncaring behavior? This is not true! Let me explain. When you are emotionally healthy, you are less likely to be devastated by others’ behaviors, because you have learned to not take them personally. But your heart can still feel loneliness and heartache in response to others’ unloving behavior. It is very important to learn to lovingly manage these core painful feelings of the heart. The feelings of loneliness and heartache have vital information for you about what is going on with another person. They tell you whether the other person is open or closed, loving or unloving. You need this information in order to make good decisions about how to take care of yourself around others. Continue reading “How Can I Not Get Hurt By Others’ Judgments?” Are you afraid to open your heart to love, for fear of getting hurt? Learn how to lovingly manage the hurt. Is it possible to fully love without getting hurt? The answer is unequivocally NO! Is this because love hurts? Again, the answer is NO! It is not love that hurts. It’s loss of . . . → Read More: “I Want To Open But I’m Scared of Getting Hurt.” Dealing with critical people, especially a parent, is a challenge for all of us. Here are some options for dealing with a critical mother.
Having a critical mother is a big challenge. I know, because I grew up with an extremely critical mother. I can certainly relate to Lori, who asked the follow question:
“Dr. Paul, my question is about what to do to take care of myself with my mother. She comes to visit me every so often, brings her husband along, and goes out of her way to put down everything about my life and the city I live in when she is here. It is heart breaking because I am a loving person and choose to keep my heart open, yet she goes out of her way to hurt me by putting down my life. I want to be me, and be loving and giving, yet it hurts a lot to be open with her. Can you provide some Inner Bonding thoughts on this? Thank you so much!” Continue reading “How Do I Deal With My Critical Mother?” Comments are closed Parenting compassion, Criticism, emotional connection, Inner Bonding, inner child, intent to learn, judgmental, Margaret Paul, projection, Self Help, self-abandonment Discover when getting things done is healthy, and when it is unhealthy and obsessive.
There are many addictive ways that most of us have learned to avoid our painful feelings, and focusing on getting things done is often one of these ways.
It’s not that there is anything wrong with getting things done. Most of us have a lot that we need to do and we may feel stressed when we don’t get done what we need to do. It is certainly not addictive to make lists and be self-disciplined enough to follow through on our lists. Whether or not it is addictive depends on your intent. If your intent is to be a responsible self-disciplined adult, then getting things done is healthy, loving action toward yourself. But when your intent is to use your list and obsessively getting things done as a way to avoid responsibility for your feelings, then it becomes addictive. Continue reading Addiction To Getting Things Done |
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