Are You or Your Partner Possessive?

By Margaret, on August 6th, 2011
“I freak out when my husband even looks at another woman. I trust him not to wander, so I don’t know why this upsets me so much.””My partner spends too much time with her friends and family. What’s the point of being together if she’s always gone a couple of nights a week?” 

“My wife wants to go back to school now that the children are older. She doesn’t need to work, so why does she want to do this? It’s going to take up way too much of her time.”

“My husband has to go out of town for work a lot. I feel so angry about this. What about me?”

“I love to dance and my husband doesn’t, so why does he get so upset when I dance with someone else – even with another woman?”

What’s going on here? What is behind this possessiveness? Continue reading Are You or Your Partner Possessive?

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Feeling Disconnected From Your Partner?

By Margaret, on July 31st, 2011
“We can’t seem to connect anymore.”

This is one of the most common complaints I hear in my counseling practice.

We all know that it is generally easy to connect at the beginning of a relationship – before all the protections and defenses come up. But what do you do to reconnect once you feel disconnected from each other?

In order to answer this, let’s first look at what creates disconnection. Continue reading Feeling Disconnected From Your Partner?

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Discover Your Level of Narcissism

By Margaret, on July 24th, 2011

All of us have some characteristics and behaviors that fall into the category of narcissism. Narcissism is on a continuum from mild, occasional, and subtle to the more ubiquitous, obvious or extreme behaviors of a Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Since narcissism is likely a part of everyone’s ego wounded self, it is helpful to your personal growth and development to be aware of your own level of narcissism.

Be honest with yourself – but not judgmental – regarding the presence and intensity of the following characteristics: Continue reading Discover Your Level of Narcissism

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Why Don’t You Speak Up For Yourself?

By Margaret, on July 17th, 2011

My counseling clients often complain to me about interactions they had with a partner, friend, parents or co-worker. When I asked the question, “Why didn’t you speak up for yourself?” here are the most common answers I receive:

“I want to keep the peace.”
“I don’t want to rock the boat.”
“I didn’t know what to say.”
“It won’t change anything.”
“He/she won’t listen.”
“We will just end up fighting.”
“He/she will make it my fault.” Continue reading Why Don’t You Speak Up For Yourself?

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What to do When You Can’t Communicate

By Margaret, on July 9th, 2011

What do you usually do when you get stuck with someone and can’t communicate?

Do you:

  • Try harder to get your point across, talking louder or faster?
  • Get angry, shouting to intimidate the other person into hearing you and/or agreeing with you?
  • Cry in frustration?
  • Feel resigned, give in and just listen quietly to the other person?
  • Walk away or hang up the phone in a huff, withdrawing your love in the hope of punishing the other person into hearing you?
  • Grab a drink or food to avoid your feelings?
  • Turn on the TV or open a book?
  • Ruminate about how wrong the other person is and what you wish you could say to them?

What happens within you and with your relationship when you do any of these things? Continue reading What to do When You Can’t Communicate

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“I Feel Trapped”

By Margaret, on July 4th, 2011

“I can’t seem to stop snacking,” said Linda, in our phone session. “And I can’t figure out why. I don’t overeat during meals, but then I snack on things that I don’t need to be eating. I’ve had this issue on and off since adolescence and I want to resolve it.”

“Linda, right now, take yourself back to the last time you snacked. See if you can tune into what was going on and what you were feeling.”

“It happened a lot this last weekend. I had some work I needed to get done I didn’t want to do it. Snacking is a way of putting it off for a bit.” Continue reading “I Feel Trapped”

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