Are You Stuck in One-Way Relationships?

Do you sometimes feel trapped with some who wants to be listened to but doesn’t want to listen to you?

One of the common complaints I hear from my clients is that they listen well but they end up just listening and never being heard.

This is the issue that Ginger wrote to me . . . → Read More: Are You Stuck in One-Way Relationships?

First-Date Blues – What Can you Learn?

Dating is challenging for many. Here are some tips to turn it into a learning adventure.

Sometimes, dating can be discouraging, or it can be a learning experience. One of the things I encourage my dating clients to do is to use their experience to hone their intuitive skills – starting from the first . . . → Read More: First-Date Blues – What Can you Learn?

Can I Change A Narcissist?

Sometimes we are clueless regarding the subtle ways we are trying to control, while being very aware of a partner’s controlling behavior.


Tara asked me the following question:

“Dear Dr. Paul, How do you reach your spouse if they are narcissistic and shut down emotionally? He does not say anything when I explain inner bonding, intent or control – just stares. Even if I declare my love for him and my wish to be closer, he just nods his head! He is the son of narcissist father and borderline mother who both stepped out of his life when we married, He sees no reason to forgive anyone and he is not only defensive – he is offensive!!! Any conversation he must be in control. Help!!”

Tara, I’m going to make the assumption that you knew some of these things about him before marrying him, or that you got swept off your feet by the narcissistic charm and didn’t take the time you needed to really know him before marrying him. Continue reading Can I Change A Narcissist?

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The Art of Conversation

Do you have mostly one-way or two-way conversations? What kind of conversationalist are you?


What happens in your conversations with people? The kind of conversation you have with someone says a lot about both you and them.

There are mainly two kinds of conversations: one-way conversations and two-way conversations.

One-Way Conversations

My client, Henry, complained to me that his girlfriend, Giselle, rarely asks him questions about himself, and when she does, she doesn’t respond to his answer but instead goes into something about her. While he is very attracted to her, he is starting to feel lonely with her and uncared for by her. However, Henry does not take loving care of himself in the relationship. From the beginning, because he was so attracted to Giselle, he ignored the signs that something was amiss in the relationship. He was afraid to speak up for himself and ask her, with a true intent to learn, why she does this. Now that they have been together for four months, this is becoming a big issue with him. But all this time Giselle thought it was okay with Henry that she did this, since he never said anything. Continue reading The Art of Conversation

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Is There Such A Thing As Healthy Narcissism?

Discover that ‘healthy narcissism’ is an oxymoron!

All of us have an ego wounded self who is narcissistic to one degree or another. For the purpose of this article, I am defining narcissism as abandoning responsibility for ourselves and expecting someone else to attend to us and define our self-worth, or expecting something external to fill us up and make us feel loved. Given this definition, ‘healthy narcissism’ is an oxymoron. Continue reading Is There Such A Thing As Healthy Narcissism?

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Caretaking: A Covert Form of Narcissism

Caretaking is NOT the opposite of narcissism!

I used to think that caretaking was the opposite of narcissism. I thought that narcissists were people who demanded that others give themselves up to care-take the narcissist. I thought that caretakers were people who were programmed to take care of others instead of themselves. I thought that caretakers needed some healthy narcissism and that takers/narcissists needed more compassion for others.

Now I know that there is a bit more to it. Caretakers do give themselves up to take care of others, but underneath their caretaking, they have the same agenda as the narcissist – to be taken care of by the other person.

The kind of narcissism I’m talking about here is about making another person responsible for your feelings and needs.

We all have this kind of narcissism in our ego wounded selves. The wounded self believes that our good feelings come from getting love, rather than from being loving with ourselves and others. Continue reading Caretaking: A Covert Form of Narcissism

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