Anger And Other Forms of Control

If you grew up in a family where one or both parents used anger to control you, then anger likely plays a role in your life now.

Did you grow up with anger in your household? Did one or both of your parents use anger as a way to keep you in line . . . → Read More: Anger And Other Forms of Control

Why Relationships Fail

Discover the major cause of relationship failure and what to do about it.


Most people, when asked if they want a loving relationship, will say that having a loving relationship is one of the two most important things to them – along with having work they love.

Why, then, do so many relationships fail?

If we want to go deeply into why relationships fail, we need to go all the way back to the parental relationship.  Continue reading Why Relationships Fail

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Does Controlling Others Make You Feel Happy?

Are you aware of the feelings you cause yourself when you attempt to control others rather than love yourself?

“I have never been able to conceive how any rational being could propose happiness to himself from the exercise of power over others.” – Thomas Jefferson

When your intent is to control others, are you . . . → Read More: Does Controlling Others Make You Feel Happy?

Why Don’t You Speak Up For Yourself?

My counseling clients often complain to me about interactions they had with a partner, friend, parents or co-worker. When I asked the question, “Why didn’t you speak up for yourself?” here are the most common answers I receive:

“I want to keep the peace.”
“I don’t want to rock the boat.”
“I didn’t know what to say.”
“It won’t change anything.”
“He/she won’t listen.”
“We will just end up fighting.”
“He/she will make it my fault.” Continue reading Why Don’t You Speak Up For Yourself?

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The Myth of Explaining and Defending

“What’s the matter with you?”
“How could you do that?”
“Explain yourself, young lady/young man.”
“Why are you dressed like that?”
“Why are you late again?”
“What did you do to your hair!”

How often did you hear some variation of this when you were growing up? I heard it all the time. And what I learned to do was to desperately defend and explain in fruitless attempts to get my mom or dad to stop judging me and SEE me. Or I would apologize and become the “good girl,” so they would approve of me. Continue reading The Myth of Explaining and Defending

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