Are you conflict-avoidant? Does conflict terrify you? Discover how to heal this.
Angela writes:
“I avoid conflict as much as possible because I cannot handle the anxiety it produces in me, as if I am going to die, even when I am in the presence of other people that are in conflict. I am aware that I abandon myself many times because I do not stand or fight for what I believe is right for me. I know we are going to encounter conflict in our daily life, it is part of it and I do not want to keep on feeling small at the presence of conflict. I want to be able to speak my truth, ask for what I need or stand for what I believe is right. How can I transform this, that is, how can I handle the anxiety and approach conflict in a more centered way?”
I completely understand what Angela experiences, as I used to feel the same anxiety, feeling like I was going to die. It took me many years to understand what I needed to do in conflict to no longer fear it. Continue reading Staying Centered in Conflict
Have you ever found yourself suddenly feelingangry or scared or shut down when a moment ago you were feeling fine?
People or situations can trigger us into rage, anger, blame, compliance, caretaking, resistance, withdrawal, numbness, dissociation, explaining, complaining, lecturing, righteousness and so on. These triggered feelings are generally attached to previous traumatic events, such as:
We all deeply desire connection with others, but what is necessary for us to have this?
When we were born, the most important thing to us was connection with our mother. We needed connection with her body for adequate sustenance. We needed emotional connection with her, or with someone, to feel safe, and to develop the ability to regulate our feelings. Connection with someone was essential to our physical survival and our emotional well being.
When we are fortunate enough to have a healthy experience of connection with our parents, we grow up feeling loved, lovable and safe. But in order to have this healthy connection, our parents or other caregivers need to be connected with themselves. They cannot fully connect with us if they are disconnected from themselves.Continue reading Connection: Our Deepest Desire
Discover when getting things done is healthy, and when it is unhealthy and obsessive.
There are many addictive ways that most of us have learned to avoid our painful feelings, and focusing on getting things done is often one of these ways.
It’s not that there is anything wrong with getting things done. Most of us have a lot that we need to do and we may feel stressed when we don’t get done what we need to do. It is certainly not addictive to make lists and be self-disciplined enough to follow through on our lists.
Whether or not it is addictive depends on your intent. If your intent is to be a responsible self-disciplined adult, then getting things done is healthy, loving action toward yourself. But when your intent is to use your list and obsessively getting things done as a way to avoid responsibility for your feelings, then it becomes addictive. Continue reading Addiction To Getting Things Done
Our imagination is a great gift – a connection with our Divine Source – when we use it from an inwardly connected loving Adult to create the life we want.
“Imagination is everything. It is the preview of life’s coming attractions.” – Albert Einstein
We are often told that in order to manifest our dreams, we need to be able to imagine them. I have personally found this to be true, and I’ve also discovered that there is a big difference between imagining and daydreaming.
We need to resolve the violence in our society. I’m offering a few ideas regarding the issues we need to research and address.
Why? Why are these horrible killings happening?
I don’t pretend to know the answers, but I do have some ideas that I want to share with you. I believe there are many issues that we need to attend to as a society.
There is much talk about the need for more mental health facilities, but just as important is why so many people are mentally ill.
People who know how to love and value themselves also love and value others, and would never deliberately do harm to others. People capable of empathy could not do what Adam Lanza did. The question is: What created such a degree of internal disconnection from his own feelings and empathic ability, and what created the level of self-loathing that resulted in Adam Lanza killing 20 children and six adults? What creates such a deep inability to regulate feelings? Why did Adam Lanza never learn to manage his feelings in a way that didn’t hurt others? Continue reading Why Do People Kill?
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