Intimacy With Others Starts From Within

Have you wondered why you may be having a hard time connecting with others? “Intimacy begins with oneself. It does no good to try to find intimacy with friends, lovers, and family if you are starting out from alienation and division within yourself.” - Thomas Moore

Do you try to create intimacy with your . . . → Read More: Intimacy With Others Starts From Within

Connection: Our Deepest Desire

We all deeply desire connection with others, but what is necessary for us to have this?


When we were born, the most important thing to us was connection with our mother. We needed connection with her body for adequate sustenance. We needed emotional connection with her, or with someone, to feel safe, and to develop the ability to regulate our feelings. Connection with someone was essential to our physical survival and our emotional well being.
When we are fortunate enough to have a healthy experience of connection with our parents, we grow up feeling loved, lovable and safe. But in order to have this healthy connection, our parents or other caregivers need to be connected with themselves. They cannot fully connect with us if they are disconnected from themselves. Continue reading Connection: Our Deepest Desire
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Addicted to Porn?

Are you addicted to porn and not feeling good about it? Discover the likely underlying cause and what to do about it.


I received the following question when I was conducting a webinar on sexual addiction:

“I have had a pornography addiction since I was a teenager. I am now in my mid 30′s. For the past four months I have abstained through Inner Child work, but two days ago I visited a porn site and masturbated. I feel really sad about this. What is the best way to address this?”

Pornography addiction is quite common. At one of my Five-Day Couples’ Intensives, one of the men was working on his porn addiction and was feeling embarrassed about it. In an effort to help him, I asked, “How many of you are addicted to porn?” Among the six couples there, four of the men raised their hands. Continue reading Addicted to Porn?

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“I Don’t Know How To Give Her What She Wants From Me.”

Do you sometimes feel like you try to give your partner the connection he or she wants and can’t figure out how?


I was having a Skype session with Andrea and Lawrence. Married for 18 years with two teen-age children, their marriage was strained. When I asked Lawrence how things were going between them, his answer was the same as always: “Fine.” When I asked Andrea the same question, she got a pained look on her face. “Things are okay, but not great. I’m lonely with Lawrence so much of the time. We just can’t seem to connect.”

Lawrence became defensive. “I can never do things good enough or right enough for you. You are always unhappy about something.” Continue reading “I Don’t Know How To Give Her What She Wants From Me.”

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How to Connect with Others

Are you mystified about how to create meaningful emotional connection with others?

We are inherently social beings, and feeling emotionally connected with another is one of the great joys in life. Yet, all too often, we feel lonely around another or others, wanting to connect and not knowing how. We may have learned numerous . . . → Read More: How to Connect with Others

Intimacy and Connection – The Aliveness of Life

Do you want to experience intimacy and connection with others, and the joy and aliveness that this offers? You need to start by learning how to love yourself, rather than abandon yourself.

“Intimacy begins with oneself. It does no good to try to find intimacy with friends, lovers, and family if you are starting out from alienation and division within yourself.” – Thomas Moore, author, Care of the Soul

Most of us would love to have intimacy and connection in our lives, yet we often find this elusive. Why?

Thomas Moore puts it in a nutshell. Until we are intimate and connected with ourselves, we cannot experience the greatest joy in life – intimacy and connection with others.

The question becomes: what causes alienation and division within yourself? Just one thing – self-abandonment.

To understand self-abandonment, let’s take an analogy. Let’s say you have a small child who comes to you upset or crying. There are four major ways you can abandon this child: Continue reading Intimacy and Connection – The Aliveness of Life

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