The Way to Happiness

Are you ready to discover the way to happiness? Are you ready to discover what Epictetus knew over 2000 years ago?

“There is only one way to happiness and that is to cease worrying about things which are beyond the power of our will.” ~Epictetus, AD 55-135

It’s hard for me to imagine that . . . → Read More: The Way to Happiness

“How Can I Get Him To Stop Hurting Me?”

Are you aware of the system you have created with your partner that may be causing you pain?

I have worked with couples for 44 years, and one thing I can tell you for sure: relationships are a system, and each partner has an equal part of the system. People come together at their common level of woundedness – their common level of self-abandonment. In many relationships, each partner is very aware of the other person’s end of the system, but completely unaware of their own end. They tend to trigger the other person’s wounded self with their own wounded self, but they often don’t recognize their own wounded self. Here is an example of this:

Allison asks:

“How do you suggest telling someone they’re doing something that hurts your feelings and to ask them to stop? My husband recently accused me of finding a way to blame my depressed feelings on him. He believes that I wake up in the morning feeling depressed and then try to find something to pin it on. My experience is that if he says something that bothers me and I don’t say something right when it happens or if he tells me I’m being defensive and I shut down, that I often wake up feeling resentful the next day, but when I tell him that I’m upset he gets defensive and tells me I have a problem.” Continue reading “How Can I Get Him To Stop Hurting Me?”


Inspirational Video: Kindness

Do you remember to make kindness your highest priority? Watching this 1 minute movie, “Kindness,” will remind you of the joy you can receive when choosing kindness.

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is a best-selling author of 8 books, relationship expert, and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding® process – featured on Oprah, and recommended . . . → Read More: Inspirational Video: Kindness

3 Steps to Healing from Betrayal

Betrayal is one of the hardest things to go through, and it is vitally important that you deal with it in a way that doesn’t cause you even more pain.

It is devastating when someone whom we believe cares about us betrays us – lies, cheats, breaks a sacred promise, hurts us behind our back, steals from us, turns others against us and so on.

The Steps to Healing From Betrayal

  1. Releasing the feelings rather than staying stuck with them

It is vitally important to find healthy ways of releasing the outrage, heartbreak and helplessness over the other person that occurs in betrayal. The first step in releasing these very painful feelings is to move into compassion for yourself. Too often, we may blame ourselves for not seeing the signs of betrayal and getting caught unawares, but we must remember that we are human and can’t always know what’s happening. Continue reading 3 Steps to Healing from Betrayal


Blaming Others Can Ruin Your Health

This article on CNN Health –– by Elizabeth Cohen, is very interesting, regarding the negative health effects of blame and resentment.

“Feeling bitter interferes with the body’s hormonal and immune systems, according to Carsten Wrosch, an associate professor of psychology at Concordia University in Montreal….”

“The data that negative mental states cause heart problems is just stupendous. The data is just as established as smoking, and the size of the effect is the same.”
–Dr. Charles Raison

Blame ignites the body’s fight or flight stress mechanism. If we actually fight, then the stress hormones will dissipate, but “When our bodies are constantly primed to fight someone, the increase in blood pressure and in chemicals such as C-reactive protein eventually take a toll on the heart and other parts of the body” states Raison.

It is now well known that 90% of illness has its source in stress – and blame, resentment and bitterness certainly cause much stress. Continue reading Blaming Others Can Ruin Your Health


“If You Really Loved Me, You Wouldn’t…”

How often have you had the thought, “If you really loved me, you wouldn’t…

  • Get angry, yell, curse, call names, say mean, untrue things about me
  • Project your behavior onto me
  • Withdraw, run away, shut down, sit spaced-out in front of the TV
  • Resist doing what I ask you to do
  • Look at other women, have an affair
  • ____________________ (fill in your own)

I used to have this thought all the time. If someone yelled, blamed me, shut me out, didn’t see me accurately, or went into resistance, I would think, “You don’t care about me. If you cared about me, you wouldn’t treat me this way. How can you say you care about me and then treat me this way?” Sometimes I would even say this out loud. And always I would feel deep loneliness and heartache at being treated this way.

Then one day I suddenly saw all this uncaring behavior in a completely different light. Continue reading “If You Really Loved Me, You Wouldn’t…”