Joy is our birthright – a gift of Spirit. Discover the choices you can make to lead a joyful life.
1. Self-Compassion Rather Than Self-Judgment
In the 44 years I’ve been counseling clients, I’ve never had a client who was not judging themselves—and not realizing the profound negative effects of self-judgment. Most are afraid to let go of self-judgment, believing that without judging themselves, they will sit and do nothing. When they finally take the risk of self-compassion, they realize that, far from doing nothing, they are now motivated to be far more productive and creative. If they were previously doing well, it was in spite of their self-judgment, not because of it. If they were not doing well, it was because the self-judgment was immobilizing them.
Moving into compassion for ourselves—for our painful feelings, for our mistakes and failures, for being human—is magical! Self-compassion opens us to learning, healing and new choices that can bring us much joy. Continue reading 9 Secrets For A Joyful Life
Take a lesson from Elvis Presley: Learn to define your own worth, instead of having to ask others, “Who am I”
I recently attended a conference and one of the speakers was David Stanley, who lived with Elvis Presley as his stepbrother since David was four years old. His book, about his experiences with Elvis, called “Conversations With the King,” just got published. The book is co-authored by my good friend, Dr. David Gruder.
In the book, and in David Stanley’s presentation at the conference, we learn that Elvis constantly asked David, “Who am I?” He asked him this for the last time, just two days before he died.
According to David, Elvis was a very spiritual man, with profoundly powerful spiritual gifts. Yet, with all his gifts and talents and fame, he didn’t know how to discover who he was. As we all know, he was deeply drug-addicted, which eventually killed him. Continue reading Who Am I?
Frequently, when I start to work with a new client, they believe that loving their self is selfish. Nothing could be further from the truth. A more accurate definition of selfish is expecting others to give themselves up and do for you what you can and need to be doing for yourself.
Letting Others Off The Hook
How are others let off the hook when you love yourself? Let us count the ways!
• Others don’t need to read your mind when you are meeting many of your own needs, and asking outright when there is something you need help with.
What are your beliefs about what another’s love will give to you?
Did you grow up believing that if only someone REALLY loved you in the way you needed to be loved, then you would feel happy, safe, lovable and worthy?
Certainly being truly loved by parents goes a long way toward supporting children in feeling safe and lovable, but it is not the whole story. Even if your parents did love you the way you needed to be loved, if they didn’t role-model loving themselves, then it is likely you absorbed their forms of self-abandonment – judging themselves, turning to various addictions to manage their feelings, and making others responsible for their feelings and sense of worth. Continue reading What Will Love Give You?
If you tend to isolate, and you believe that isolating protects you from getting hurt, you might be surprised to learn of the harm you are causing yourself.
In my counseling practice, I often have clients who tend to isolate as a way of protecting against their fears – especially their fears of rejection and engulfment. They are so afraid of being disliked, disapproved of, attacked or having demands made on them, that they choose to avoid relationships, rather than learn how to deal with these challenging situations.
These people have never developed a loving Adult self, who knows how to take loving care of them when others are angry, rejecting or demanding. They believe they prefer loneliness over the challenge of relationships. Continue reading Do You Isolate?
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