Let’s take a look at what occurred as you were growing up, and the coping strategies you used as a result, that became wired into your brain:

• Were your parents or caregivers cold and emotionally unavailable?
• Were your parents or caregivers shaming and blaming of you?
• Were you verbally, physically and/or sexually abused?
• Did your parents role-model some forms of substance abuse as their way of avoiding feelings – such as using food, drugs, alcohol, or nicotine addictively?
• Did your parents role-model a taker/caretaker system, where one of them consistently gave themselves up and acted the martyr, and the other was demanding?
• Were your parents irresponsible financially? Did they over-spend? Were they consistently in debt? Were they very tight with their money and never used it for family enjoyment even if they had it?
• Were your parents irresponsible organizationally? Were they always late? Was the house a mess?
• Was anger used as a form of bullying each other and/or you or your siblings?
• Did your parents or other caregivers physically abandon you, such as handing you off for adoption or sending you to boarding school at a young age?
• Were your parents ‘helicopter parents’ – constantly hovering over you and not letting you make your own mistakes or learn how to deal with your own feelings?
• Were your parents very strict and controlling of you?
• Did your parents approve of you and give you attention only when you accomplished something, such as getting good grades? Did they base their worth and yours on looks and performance?

What strategies did you develop to deal with this role-modeling and unloving parenting?

• Did you become a caretaker, disconnecting from your feelings and needs in order to be a ‘good’ boy or girl? Did you become overly ‘nice’ – a people-pleaser?
• Did you learn to retreat into your mind, disconnecting from your body as a way of not feeling the pain of not being loved?
• Do you turn to substance addictions like food, alcohol, drugs, or nicotine to avoid your painful feelings?
• Did you become a taker – using anger, shaming, guilting, blaming and other forms of bullying as your way of getting what you want from others and not feeling your helplessness over others? Do you have entitlement issues, believing that you deserve others to give themselves up for you?
• Do you automatically resist what others want of you, to not be controlled by them?
• Do you judge yourself harshly, guilting and shaming yourself, telling yourself that you are not good enough or that you are stupid?
• Do you make others responsible for your worth and sense of safety?

All these survival mechanisms and many more have become wired into your brain, and they are now likely causing your personal and relationship problems.

Rewiring Your Brain

Rewiring your brain – which can happen at any age! – occurs when you consciously focus your attention on what you want and how you want to respond to life and to others. Remember: whatever you focus on is what gets wired into your brain.

All the above strategies were necessary in the past to protect you from the overwhelming pain in your life – the loneliness, heartbreak, grief, and helplessness of childhood. However now, as an adult, you are capable of learning to lovingly manage these very painful feelings.

How? By practicing Inner Bonding of course!

Step One rewires your brain when you consciously and mindfully practice focusing on being present with your feelings, in your body, and wanting responsibility for them.

Step Two rewires your brain when you consistently practice inviting the love and compassion of your spiritual guidance into your heart and consciously choose the intent to learn about how you are abandoning yourself and how to love yourself.

Step Three rewires your brain when you move toward your feelings rather than away from them, desiring to learn what they are trying to tell you about how you are treating yourself and how others are treating you. Step Three enables you to become aware of the false beliefs that are limiting you and causing you pain.

Step Four rewires your brain when you practice turning to your higher self for the truth about your false beliefs and discovering the loving action toward yourself.

Step Five rewires your brain when you consistently practice taking loving action on your own behalf and on behalf of others.

Step Six rewires your brain as you learn to connect your self-loving behavior with your inner fullness and your joyful peaceful feelings.

Research indicates that no matter how old you are, you CAN rewire your brain!

Start learning how to love yourself, with Dr. Margaret’s 30-Day at-home course, Love Yourself.