Many people confuse boundaries – which are a way of taking loving care of yourself – with controlling behavior toward others.
Marilee told me in one of our early phone sessions: “I set a boundary. I told him that he couldn’t speak to me that way any more.”
Jackson said to me in one of our early Skype sessions: “I earn the money. My girlfriend doesn’t work, but loves to spend the money I earn. So I set a boundary. I told her that she had to stop spending so much money and racking up credit card bills.”
Both of these people are confused about what a boundary is. They think a boundary is something they set for someone else, but they are wrong.
Do you have the common false belief that the better you feel about yourself, the more alone you will be?
Yolanda asks:
“What is coming up for me is — if I completely move out of self-judgment and fully take the responsibility to actualize the deepest yearnings of my Soul, I will be SO POWERFUL that NOBODY . . . → Read More: “If I Move Into My Power, Will I End Up Alone?”
Discover what you can do to give your relationship a chance.
Lauren asks:
“I have been married for 12 years, our marriage has always been a struggle of various forms. I have gotten to feel so empty and resentful that I can hardly look at my husband in the eye let alone be loving to him. I feel my inner self tell me its time to be done. But my mind tells me differently because of our wonderful children. Trying to find out if there is hope for our relationship or if I can truly feel love/intimacy for him without sacrificing my own health?”
Lauren, I don’t know enough about your relationship to know whether or not there is hope for your marriage, but what I do know is that there is much inner work for you to do before deciding that it’s time to leave. Continue reading “Is There Hope For Our Relationship?”
When you stay focused in your head, rather than being in your body with your feelings, and when you turn to various addictions such as substance, process, self-judgment, and love addiction, you are abandoning your feelings – abandoning your inner child – which creates emptiness. You might then turn to the very same self-abandoning actions in an attempt to avoid your emptiness – a vicious circle. Continue reading Filling Up Emptiness From The Inside
Are you willing to do the inner work you need to do to possibly save your relationship?
Many people, like Aaron who asked the following question, seek my help because either their partner is no longer in love with them, or they are no longer in love with their partner.
Aaron asks:
“My wife has recently told me she is no longer in love, will stay for 6 months to a year for proper closure, but does intend to divorce eventually. For a week or so I tried to talk her out of it, into going to counseling, etc… but have given up on that for now. She says it just didn’t work, she’s not in love any longer. She’s about to turn 50 and says she’s spent her entire life living for a man and just wants to live for herself. I’ve offered freedom and independence without divorce, but that doesn’t seem to be her goal. Should I just give up and work on filling up my life with new meaning?” Continue reading “My Wife Is No Longer In Love With Me”
If you are hard on yourself, do you believe that this is helpful to you? You might want to re-evaluate this false belief.
Are you hard on yourself? Do you think this is a good thing? Do you believe this motivates you to do better? Think again. If you are doing well, it’s likely in spite of being hard on yourself, not because of it.
Many of us grew up with parents and teachers who believed that being hard on us was the way to motivate us. As children, we absorbed their judgments of us and became strict taskmasters with ourselves.
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