Are you willing to do the inner work you need to do to possibly save your relationship?
Many people, like Aaron who asked the following question, seek my help because either their partner is no longer in love with them, or they are no longer in love with their partner.
Aaron asks:
“My wife has recently told me she is no longer in love, will stay for 6 months to a year for proper closure, but does intend to divorce eventually. For a week or so I tried to talk her out of it, into going to counseling, etc… but have given up on that for now. She says it just didn’t work, she’s not in love any longer. She’s about to turn 50 and says she’s spent her entire life living for a man and just wants to live for herself. I’ve offered freedom and independence without divorce, but that doesn’t seem to be her goal. Should I just give up and work on filling up my life with new meaning?” Continue reading “My Wife Is No Longer In Love With Me”
After reconciling with your partner, do you find yourself back in the same pattern?
Nancy wrote to me asking the following question:
“My husband and I were married for 15 years. Divorced. Reconciled after 9 months and re-married. I am having second thoughts about the reconciliation and I’ve become introverted with no desire to communicate or be close. I feel very protective of my personal affairs and feelings. The more he pushes the farther away I remove myself from the relationship. I feel the relationship is severely co-dependent. How do we break the co-dependency? What steps can I take to figure out why my need to protect is so extreme?”
Nancy, it sounds like the underlying issue is that your husband wants to have control over how you feel about him, and you are in resistance to being controlled. As long as controlling and not being controlled is the intent governing your relationship, your relationship cannot heal. Continue reading “Divorced and Reconciled – But It’s Not Working”
Are you contemplating divorce? Reading this article may help you decide what is right for you.
In my work with individuals and couples for the last 43 years, I’ve had two very different experiences regarding people who have divorced:
One group of people are happy that they finally left a marriage where they were very unhappy. They feel that they have their life back, and sometimes even their health back. They feel relief and freedom and are proud of themselves that they finally got themselves out of a bad situation.
The other group has huge regrets. They look back and see that, if they had hung in and worked on themselves, they could likely have created a loving relationship. They are disillusioned with their experience of dating, and realize that their ex is a good and caring person. Most of the time their ex has moved on and is in another relationship.
Discover the surprising statistics about second and third marriages, and why they have such a poor success rate.
“It’s time for me to move on. I’ve learned so much – I just know that next time it will be better.”
“Our new relationship has a great chance, because we’ve both been married before and have learned a lot. We know that this time around we will do it so much better.”
Is this true? Apparently not!
According to research by Jennifer Baker, of the Forest Institute of Professional Psychology in Springfield, Missouri, while 50% of first marriages end in divorce, 67% of second marriages and 74% of third marriages end in divorce.
When I married my ex-husband in 1963, I was determined to create a stable, loving relationship. I wanted an intact family where we could raise our children and share the joys of our grandchildren.
We did raise our children together, but ended the marriage after 30 years. We do get to share the joys of our grandchildren, but as friends rather than partners.
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