Are you conflict-avoidant? Does conflict terrify you? Discover how to heal this.
Angela writes:
“I avoid conflict as much as possible because I cannot handle the anxiety it produces in me, as if I am going to die, even when I am in the presence of other people that are in conflict. I am aware that I abandon myself many times because I do not stand or fight for what I believe is right for me. I know we are going to encounter conflict in our daily life, it is part of it and I do not want to keep on feeling small at the presence of conflict. I want to be able to speak my truth, ask for what I need or stand for what I believe is right. How can I transform this, that is, how can I handle the anxiety and approach conflict in a more centered way?”
I completely understand what Angela experiences, as I used to feel the same anxiety, feeling like I was going to die. It took me many years to understand what I needed to do in conflict to no longer fear it. Continue reading Staying Centered in Conflict
Betrayal is one of the hardest things to go through, and it is vitally important that you deal with it in a way that doesn’t cause you even more pain.
It is devastating when someone whom we believe cares about us betrays us – lies, cheats, breaks a sacred promise, hurts us behind our back, steals from us, turns others against us and so on.
Releasing the feelings rather than staying stuck with them
It is vitally important to find healthy ways of releasing the outrage, heartbreak and helplessness over the other person that occurs in betrayal. The first step in releasing these very painful feelings is to move into compassion for yourself. Too often, we may blame ourselves for not seeing the signs of betrayal and getting caught unawares, but we must remember that we are human and can’t always know what’s happening. Continue reading 3 Steps to Healing from Betrayal
Discover why you might be obsessing about an ex and how to stop.
“How do I stop allowing my ex to consume my thoughts?” asks Tammy.
“Is your ex consuming your thoughts, or are you consumed with your ex?” I ask.
“What’s the difference?” Tammy asks.
“The difference is that you are asking the question in such as way as to indicate that your ex is doing something, i.e. somehow consuming your thoughts. But is your ex really doing something, or are you choosing to be consumed with thoughts of your ex?”
Joy is our birthright – a gift of Spirit. Discover the choices you can make to lead a joyful life.
1. Self-Compassion Rather Than Self-Judgment
In the 44 years I’ve been counseling clients, I’ve never had a client who was not judging themselves—and not realizing the profound negative effects of self-judgment. Most are afraid to let go of self-judgment, believing that without judging themselves, they will sit and do nothing. When they finally take the risk of self-compassion, they realize that, far from doing nothing, they are now motivated to be far more productive and creative. If they were previously doing well, it was in spite of their self-judgment, not because of it. If they were not doing well, it was because the self-judgment was immobilizing them.
Moving into compassion for ourselves—for our painful feelings, for our mistakes and failures, for being human—is magical! Self-compassion opens us to learning, healing and new choices that can bring us much joy. Continue reading 9 Secrets For A Joyful Life
Breaking down keeps you stuck, while breaking open allows you to discover the power within yourself.
“Something I didn’t want to happen, happens. I feel the resistance build within. I feel the pressure to control what is obviously out of my control. I become aware of what I’m doing—I become aware of the choice either to break down or to break open.” Elizabeth Lesser, Broken Open, p. 256
How aware are you that when bad things happen or something that you didn’t want to happen, happens, you have a choice of whether to break down or break open? This is what Elizabeth Lesser’s book, Broken Open, is about. It’s about using all our challenging life situations to open, on deeper and deeper levels, to our true, core essential selves. Unfortunately, many people do the opposite when deeply challenged—they numb and hide and avoid. They are afraid that if they let themselves break open to their deeper, spiritual selves, they will not be able to handle the painful feelings of heartbreak, loneliness, grief and helplessness over others and circumstances. Continue reading Breaking Down or Breaking Open
Do you understand the difference between self-pity and self-compassion?
There is a vast difference between feeling sorry for yourself and feeling kindness toward yourself.
Self-Pity
When you see yourself as a victim, you indulge in self-pity. You are a bottomless pit of misery, and you may find yourself crying endless victim tears. You might say things like:
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