When I married my ex-husband in 1963, I was determined to create a stable, loving relationship. I wanted an intact family where we could raise our children and share the joys of our grandchildren.
We did raise our children together, but ended the marriage after 30 years. We do get to share the joys of our grandchildren, but as friends rather than partners.
Kari and Rudy consulted with me because they kept having conflicts over the same issues over and over – primarily money, chores, and child-rearing. They were nearing the decision to separate, believing that they were incompatible.
I asked them to pick one of the issues and they picked a recent conflict regarding setting limits for their children. I asked them to discuss the issue and I immediately understood why they could not resolve their issues.
I explained to them that there are always two levels of communication:
The issue itself, such as their conflict regarding limits for their children;
The intent with which they were discussing the issue.
You and your partner might be hurting each other without realizing how and why you are doing this.
Are you aware of how you may be hurting your partner?
Are you aware of how your partner may be hurting you?
Are you aware of the painful feelings of loneliness, heartache and heartbreak you likely feel when you are disconnected from your loved one and unable to share love?
The sharing of love is the most wonderful experience in life. You connect and share love when you are open hearted with your partner – kind, caring, gentle, tender, understanding, and compassionate. You connect and share love when you are open to learning – listening well and caring about your own and your partner’s feelings, even if your partner is upset about how you might have hurt him or her.
If you are in conflict with your partner, then it is likely one of you is a taker and the other is a caretaker, neither loving yourself enough to share love with your partner.
Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is a best-selling author of 8 books, relationship expert, and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding® . . . → Read More: Stop Fighting, Start Loving with Inner Bonding®
Do you know the difference between infatuation and love? Discover the secrets to knowing when you are in love. . . . → Read More: How to Know When You Are In Love
Comments are closed 
Listen to Dr. Margaret Paul's interview with 
