Kari and Rudy consulted with me because they kept having conflicts over the same issues over and over – primarily money, chores, and child-rearing. They were nearing the decision to separate, believing that they were incompatible.

I asked them to pick one of the issues and they picked a recent conflict regarding setting limits for their children. I asked them to discuss the issue and I immediately understood why they could not resolve their issues.

I explained to them that there are always two levels of communication:

• The issue itself, such as their conflict regarding limits for their children;
• The intent with which they were discussing the issue.

There are only two possible intents in discussing an issue with your partner: Continue reading Relationships: Do You Have the Same Conflicts Over and Over?