I’ve been counseling individuals and couples for many years. More than half the time, when couples are having problems or the relationship is dissolving, sex is one of the major issues. There are a number of common scenarios:
After a long marriage with regular sex, he comes home to discover that his wife has left. He is devastated, and has no idea why. Upon exploration, it turns out that he has expected sex at least three times a week. While his wife complied, he knew that she felt emotionally disconnected from him and needed to grit her teeth to have sex with him. Looking back, he realizes that she tried to express this to him and he had refused to listen. Now she was gone.
The partners are still together, but the sex is essentially gone from the relationship. This frequently occurs in both heterosexual and homosexual relationships. One partner may be more upset about this than the other. Continue reading What Does Having Sex Mean to You?
We have all learned many ways of trying to avoid or get rid of our painful feelings. Many of these ways are fairly obvious: addictions to substances and activities, staying in your mind rather than in your body, or judging yourself.
Another major way we avoid or try to get rid of our painful feelings is making others responsible for them in various ways. When we are filled with painful feelings and are not open to our Guidance to help us learn from them and release them, we might dump them on others in various ways, in an effort to release them. How do you dump your feelings onto another? Continue reading How do you Make Others Responsible for Your Painful Feelings?
Discover the surprising statistics about second and third marriages, and why they have such a poor success rate.
“It’s time for me to move on. I’ve learned so much – I just know that next time it will be better.”
“Our new relationship has a great chance, because we’ve both been married before and have learned a lot. We know that this time around we will do it so much better.”
Is this true? Apparently not!
According to research by Jennifer Baker, of the Forest Institute of Professional Psychology in Springfield, Missouri, while 50% of first marriages end in divorce, 67% of second marriages and 74% of third marriages end in divorce.
Do you know how to take care of yourself when you are at the other end of projection?
All of us have projected our own thoughts, feelings, motivations and desires onto others, and have been at the other end of projection. Many of us learned to project onto others as we were growing up, when our parents, siblings or caregivers projected their unconscious feelings, thoughts and motivations onto us.
We might project onto others when we have judged our own feelings, actions, desires and motivations as bad, wrong, shameful or dangerous.
This is one of the most common complaints I hear in my counseling practice.
We all know that it is generally easy to connect at the beginning of a relationship – before all the protections and defenses come up. But what do you do to reconnect once you feel disconnected from each other?
My counseling clients often complain to me about interactions they had with a partner, friend, parents or co-worker. When I asked the question, “Why didn’t you speak up for yourself?” here are the most common answers I receive:
“I want to keep the peace.”
“I don’t want to rock the boat.”
“I didn’t know what to say.”
“It won’t change anything.”
“He/she won’t listen.”
“We will just end up fighting.”
“He/she will make it my fault.” Continue reading Why Don’t You Speak Up For Yourself?
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