After reconciling with your partner, do you find yourself back in the same pattern?
Nancy wrote to me asking the following question:
“My husband and I were married for 15 years. Divorced. Reconciled after 9 months and re-married. I am having second thoughts about the reconciliation and I’ve become introverted with no desire to communicate or be close. I feel very protective of my personal affairs and feelings. The more he pushes the farther away I remove myself from the relationship. I feel the relationship is severely co-dependent. How do we break the co-dependency? What steps can I take to figure out why my need to protect is so extreme?”
Nancy, it sounds like the underlying issue is that your husband wants to have control over how you feel about him, and you are in resistance to being controlled. As long as controlling and not being controlled is the intent governing your relationship, your relationship cannot heal. Continue reading “Divorced and Reconciled – But It’s Not Working”
Have you wondered why you are often able to take loving care of yourself when you are alone but you lose yourself in relationships? Discover the answer now!
Do you find that you take loving care of yourself when you are alone, but that you lose yourself with someone you are attracted to, . . . → Read More: “I Lose Myself Around Others”
Do you understand the power of kindness to change your life?
“Extend to each person, no matter how trivial the contact, all the care and kindness and understanding and love that you can muster, and do it with no thought of any reward. Your life will never be the same again.” Og Mandino, 1923-1996, . . . → Read More: Change Your Life With This Simple Act
Discover why you may be sabotaging and punishing yourself with your self-judgment and self-rejection.
Would you love to manifest your dreams and have the life you want? Most people would unhesitatingly respond with a resounding “YES!” Yet, do you sometimes find yourself sabotaging yourself in achieving this? Georgette finds herself in this position and . . . → Read More: “How Do I Stop Sabotaging Myself?”
Sometimes we are clueless regarding the subtle ways we are trying to control, while being very aware of a partner’s controlling behavior.
Tara asked me the following question:
“Dear Dr. Paul, How do you reach your spouse if they are narcissistic and shut down emotionally? He does not say anything when Iexplain inner bonding, intent or control – just stares. Even if I declare my love for him and my wish to be closer, he just nods his head! He is the son of narcissist father and borderline mother who both stepped out of his life when we married, He sees no reason to forgive anyone and he is not only defensive – he is offensive!!! Any conversation he must be in control. Help!!”
Tara, I’m going to make the assumption that you knew some of these things about him before marrying him, or that you got swept off your feet by the narcissistic charm and didn’t take the time you needed to really know him before marrying him. Continue reading Can I Change A Narcissist?
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