What Do You Do When Someone Hurts You?

By Dr. Margaret Paul September 06, 2020

When someone does something that scares or hurts you, do you lovingly manage your pain or do try to control them?

When I was a very young child, I quickly learned to jump out of myself whenever my mother was angry at me – which . . . → Read More: What Do You Do When Someone Hurts You?

Are You Selling Your Soul?

You might not think you are selling your soul, but is this true?

What have you given up for money and possessions?

  • Have you given up kindness to get ahead?

  • Have you given up family time for a bigger TV?

  • Have you given up fun for a new car?

  • Have you given up hobbies for a promotion?

  • Have you given up vacations for prestige?

  • Have you given up helping others for a bigger house or a new car or a boat?

  • Have you given up leisure time for more money?

  • Have you given up yourself to get approval?

  • Have you given up your creativity for the bottom line? Continue reading Are You Selling Your Soul?


Inner Disconnection = Planetary Disconnection

The disturbing lack of a personal spiritual connection that many experience has huge ramifications for our planet.

How are we doing as inhabitants of this beautiful planet? Sometimes we need to take stock of ourselves – personally, nationally and globally. On a personal level, do the majority of us see life as a sacred . . . → Read More: Inner Disconnection = Planetary Disconnection

Can I Change A Narcissist?

Sometimes we are clueless regarding the subtle ways we are trying to control, while being very aware of a partner’s controlling behavior.

Tara asked me the following question:

“Dear Dr. Paul, How do you reach your spouse if they are narcissistic and shut down emotionally? He does not say anything when I explain inner bonding, intent or control – just stares. Even if I declare my love for him and my wish to be closer, he just nods his head! He is the son of narcissist father and borderline mother who both stepped out of his life when we married, He sees no reason to forgive anyone and he is not only defensive – he is offensive!!! Any conversation he must be in control. Help!!”

Tara, I’m going to make the assumption that you knew some of these things about him before marrying him, or that you got swept off your feet by the narcissistic charm and didn’t take the time you needed to really know him before marrying him. Continue reading Can I Change A Narcissist?


“I Don’t Know How To Give Her What She Wants From Me.”

Do you sometimes feel like you try to give your partner the connection he or she wants and can’t figure out how?

I was having a Skype session with Andrea and Lawrence. Married for 18 years with two teen-age children, their marriage was strained. When I asked Lawrence how things were going between them, his answer was the same as always: “Fine.” When I asked Andrea the same question, she got a pained look on her face. “Things are okay, but not great. I’m lonely with Lawrence so much of the time. We just can’t seem to connect.”

Lawrence became defensive. “I can never do things good enough or right enough for you. You are always unhappy about something.” Continue reading “I Don’t Know How To Give Her What She Wants From Me.”


The Challenge of Accepting Our Helplessness Over Others

What do you do when you feel helpless over another’s choices? What is the result? Are you happy with how you manage this feeling?

Helplessness is a very difficult feeling. It can even feel like life or death to those of us who were left to cry for hours as babies, with no one coming to help us. Because we were so helpless over ourselves as babies and small children, it can trigger feelings of panic. It’s hard to remember, in these moments when fear is triggered, that as adults, we are not helpless over ourselves.

For many of us, the deep fear that got programmed into us as young children can trigger our wounded self’s desire to control, when we feel helpless over another’s choices.

What do you do when you feel helpless over another? Continue reading The Challenge of Accepting Our Helplessness Over Others