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Are you aware of the feelings you cause yourself when you attempt to control others rather than love yourself? “I have never been able to conceive how any rational being could propose happiness to himself from the exercise of power over others.” – Thomas Jefferson When your intent is to control others, are you . . . → Read More: Does Controlling Others Make You Feel Happy?  Comments are closed  Self Improvement & Personal Growth  anger, blaming, compliance, controlling behavior, emotional safety, happiness, Inner Bonding, joy, loving yourself, Margaret Paul, self esteem, self-love, shaming What’s really happening when someone blames and shames you? If you stopped taking it personally, what would you be feeling?
What do you generally do when someone blames you for his or her feelings? Do you find yourself taking it personally and blaming yourself? This is what Melinda struggles with:
“How do I take loving care of myself when my partner is acting out with jealousy that he is not acknowledging? I feel blamed and shamed. It somehow feels like there’s something wrong with me, or something I’m doing even though there isn’t. What do I do with the shame? How do I love myself through it? His reaction can last a few hours or even a few days.” Melinda, your partner’s blaming and shaming of you are his ways of avoiding responsibility for his own feelings. But the real question is, why are you taking on the blame and shame? Why are you taking his behavior personally? Continue reading “Why Do I Feel Shame When I’m Being Blamed?”       Do you often feel unappreciated? “I’m a very nice person. I’m a good guy and I do nice things for people, but they never seem to appreciate me, and I feel angry about that,” said Martin in one of our first phone sessions. For me, this statement holds much information regarding how Martin . . . → Read More: The Power of Appreciating Yourself Do you have an expectation that if you were emotionally healthy, you would not feel hurt in the face of others’ judgments or uncaring behavior? This is not true! Let me explain. When you are emotionally healthy, you are less likely to be devastated by others’ behaviors, because you have learned to not take them personally. But your heart can still feel loneliness and heartache in response to others’ unloving behavior. It is very important to learn to lovingly manage these core painful feelings of the heart. The feelings of loneliness and heartache have vital information for you about what is going on with another person. They tell you whether the other person is open or closed, loving or unloving. You need this information in order to make good decisions about how to take care of yourself around others. Continue reading “How Can I Not Get Hurt By Others’ Judgments?” Do you judge yourself for the past? Discover why and what to do about it. Brianna wrote to me, asking: “I am having a difficult time forgiving myself of past mistakes and it feels like it haunts me every morning and I get bogged down in swirling thoughts which only holds me back . . . → Read More: Why Can’t I Forgive Myself For My Mistakes? Is sex mostly gone out of your relationship? There are always good reasons for this. Do you identify with Lawrence, whose wife won’t have sex with him? In my work with individuals and couples, I often hear this complaint. Lawrence asks: “Would you please address how one deals with the anger, frustration, hurt, etc., . . . → Read More: “My Wife Won’t Have Sex With Me “ |
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