“I Feel Overwhelmed”

I often hear from my clients that they feel overwhelmed. Generally, feeling overwhelmed means one of three things:

  • Overwhelmed by their feelings
  • Overwhelmed by time pressures
  • Overwhelmed by how to do things ‘right’

The feeling of overwhelm is generally caused by how we are treating ourselves and what we are telling ourselves.

Peter

In my Skype session with Peter, he told me at the beginning of the session that he felt overwhelmed. Continue reading “I Feel Overwhelmed”

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Self-Pity or Self-Compassion

Do you understand the difference between self-pity and self-compassion?

There is a vast difference between feeling sorry for yourself and feeling kindness toward yourself.

Self-Pity

When you see yourself as a victim, you indulge in self-pity. You are a bottomless pit of misery, and you may find yourself crying endless victim tears. You might say things like:

  • Why do bad things always happen to me?
  • I’m a loser and I’ll always be a loser.
  • It’s not fair.
  • God is here for everyone but me.
  • I’m just not one of the lucky ones.
  • Everything is my fault. I’m not good enough.

Self-pity might serve two purposes: Continue reading Self-Pity or Self-Compassion

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The Challenge of Accepting Our Helplessness Over Others

What do you do when you feel helpless over another’s choices? What is the result? Are you happy with how you manage this feeling?

Helplessness is a very difficult feeling. It can even feel like life or death to those of us who were left to cry for hours as babies, with no one coming to help us. Because we were so helpless over ourselves as babies and small children, it can trigger feelings of panic. It’s hard to remember, in these moments when fear is triggered, that as adults, we are not helpless over ourselves.

For many of us, the deep fear that got programmed into us as young children can trigger our wounded self’s desire to control, when we feel helpless over another’s choices.

What do you do when you feel helpless over another? Continue reading The Challenge of Accepting Our Helplessness Over Others

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Are You or Your Partner Possessive?

“I freak out when my husband even looks at another woman. I trust him not to wander, so I don’t know why this upsets me so much.””My partner spends too much time with her friends and family. What’s the point of being together if she’s always gone a couple of nights a week?” 

“My wife wants to go back to school now that the children are older. She doesn’t need to work, so why does she want to do this? It’s going to take up way too much of her time.”

“My husband has to go out of town for work a lot. I feel so angry about this. What about me?”

“I love to dance and my husband doesn’t, so why does he get so upset when I dance with someone else – even with another woman?”

What’s going on here? What is behind this possessiveness? Continue reading Are You or Your Partner Possessive?

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Do You Chase When Someone Withdraws?

A member of our website asked this question in our advice section:

I’ve read several of the articles on the site, but have not seen anything mentioned about “chasing” after someone who is pulling away in a relationship. That has to be a form of protection against deeper feelings, though, right? If someone is pulling away and the urge to chase after them comes up, what is the best thing to do in this situation? Thanks!

I know exactly what this woman is going through, as I used to go through the same thing. When a man I felt connected to would withdraw, shut down, or pull away in any way, I would feel a sense of panic. In my panic, I would convince myself that by being a certain way – attractive enough, sexy enough, nice enough, right enough, or convincing enough – I could get him to reconnect with me. Continue reading Do You Chase When Someone Withdraws?

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Nothing Has Meaning Without Love and Connection

Gretchen is typical of many of the clients that I work with. In our first session she said: 

I’ve been depressed on and off throughout my life. Medication helped for a while, but now all it does is make me feel more flat and empty. Life seems to have no meaning for me. Nothing looks beautiful. Nothing is compelling to me. I can’t think of anything I really want to do. I’ve tried many forms of therapy but nothing has worked to heal my depression. I don’t know why I’m here on this planet. What is it all about?

Most therapies do not deal with the underlying cause of anxiety and depression. Lila, a member of the Inner Bonding® website, shared this about her healing process:

I must’ve gone through dozens of therapists since my first one at 17. Continue reading Nothing Has Meaning Without Love and Connection

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