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Are you ready to discover the way to happiness? Are you ready to discover what Epictetus knew over 2000 years ago? “There is only one way to happiness and that is to cease worrying about things which are beyond the power of our will.” ~Epictetus, AD 55-135 It’s hard for me to imagine that . . . → Read More: The Way to Happiness  Comments are closed  Self Improvement & Personal Growth  anger, blame, controlling behavior, Epictetus, grief, happiness, heartbreak, helplessness, Inner Bonding, loneliness, Margaret Paul, personal development, personal power, Self Help Are you aware of the system you have created with your partner that may be causing you pain?
I have worked with couples for 44 years, and one thing I can tell you for sure: relationships are a system, and each partner has an equal part of the system. People come together at their common level of woundedness – their common level of self-abandonment. In many relationships, each partner is very aware of the other person’s end of the system, but completely unaware of their own end. They tend to trigger the other person’s wounded self with their own wounded self, but they often don’t recognize their own wounded self. Here is an example of this:
Allison asks: “How do you suggest telling someone they’re doing something that hurts your feelings and to ask them to stop? My husband recently accused me of finding a way to blame my depressed feelings on him. He believes that I wake up in the morning feeling depressed and then try to find something to pin it on. My experience is that if he says something that bothers me and I don’t say something right when it happens or if he tells me I’m being defensive and I shut down, that I often wake up feeling resentful the next day, but when I tell him that I’m upset he gets defensive and tells me I have a problem.” Continue reading “How Can I Get Him To Stop Hurting Me?”       Do you remember to make kindness your highest priority? Watching this 1 minute movie, “Kindness,” will remind you of the joy you can receive when choosing kindness. Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is a best-selling author of 8 books, relationship expert, and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding® process – featured on Oprah, and recommended . . . → Read More: Inspirational Video: Kindness Comments are closed Self Improvement & Personal Growth, Spiritual Growth anger, blame, controlling behavior, happiness, having to be right, Inner Bonding, joy, kindness, Margaret Paul Betrayal is one of the hardest things to go through, and it is vitally important that you deal with it in a way that doesn’t cause you even more pain. It is devastating when someone whom we believe cares about us betrays us – lies, cheats, breaks a sacred promise, hurts us behind our back, steals from us, turns others against us and so on.
The Steps to Healing From Betrayal
It is vitally important to find healthy ways of releasing the outrage, heartbreak and helplessness over the other person that occurs in betrayal. The first step in releasing these very painful feelings is to move into compassion for yourself. Too often, we may blame ourselves for not seeing the signs of betrayal and getting caught unawares, but we must remember that we are human and can’t always know what’s happening. Continue reading 3 Steps to Healing from Betrayal Comments are closed Self Improvement & Personal Growth anger, betrayal, betrayed, blame, emotional healing, healing, Inner Bonding, Margaret Paul, self-betrayal, self-blame, self-compassion, self-judgment, victim This article on CNN Health – http://www.cnn.com/2011/HEALTH/08/17/bitter.resentful.ep/index.html?&hpt=hp_c2– by Elizabeth Cohen, is very interesting, regarding the negative health effects of blame and resentment.
Blame ignites the body’s fight or flight stress mechanism. If we actually fight, then the stress hormones will dissipate, but “When our bodies are constantly primed to fight someone, the increase in blood pressure and in chemicals such as C-reactive protein eventually take a toll on the heart and other parts of the body” states Raison. It is now well known that 90% of illness has its source in stress – and blame, resentment and bitterness certainly cause much stress. Continue reading Blaming Others Can Ruin Your Health How often have you had the thought, “If you really loved me, you wouldn’t…
I used to have this thought all the time. If someone yelled, blamed me, shut me out, didn’t see me accurately, or went into resistance, I would think, “You don’t care about me. If you cared about me, you wouldn’t treat me this way. How can you say you care about me and then treat me this way?” Sometimes I would even say this out loud. And always I would feel deep loneliness and heartache at being treated this way. Then one day I suddenly saw all this uncaring behavior in a completely different light. Continue reading “If You Really Loved Me, You Wouldn’t…” Comments are closed Relationships, Self Improvement & Personal Growth anger, blame, compassion, grace, Inner Bonding, inner peace, Margaret Paul, resistance, taking things personally, withdrawal, wounded self |
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