Discover the difference between needs coming from emotional dependency and authentic needs that we have within a relationship.
Every few weeks I do a free webinar. People can listen on their computers or on the phone; they can write in asking questions or they can ask me directly on the phone. Here is one of the questions a woman – I will call her Susan – asked in a webinar on emotional dependency:
“When we are in a relationship and we have made our needs clear to our partner, is hanging on in the hope they will follow through with promises to meet our needs a sign of emotional dependency?”
The answer is – it depends on whatneeds you are taking about. There are some needs we have that can only be met by another person, and there are other needs that we need to learn to meet ourselves. Continue reading Are You Emotionally Dependent?
Are you a woman who rarely or never thinks about sex? Have you believed that was something wrong with you?
Laverne wrote the following to me:
“I have never had thoughts that picture me making love with my husband – or anyone else for that matter. I imagine connection, fun and feelings of love but never making love. If it was left up to me sex would never be on the agenda, just because it would never occur to me to make love. I know when my husband would like to make love, and I enjoy it when I do make love, but it would never cross my mind if he didn’t initiate. I feel I am missing being aware and connected to a part of me. Surely a reasonably balanced and mostly connected human being should have some sort of sex drive. Your thoughts and insights would be really appreciated. Thank you.” Continue reading Why Many Women Don’t Think About Sex
Is your partner’s messiness driving you crazy? Discover how to resolve this issue in your relationship.
When we meet and fall in love with someone, we often don’t think about what might seem like minor differences, which can later turn into major conflicts. One of these differences that frequently occurs with my clients is neatness vs. messiness.
Vanessa, in one of our Skype sessions, said:
“I’m a naturally neat person and my husband, Derek, is very messy. I’m constantly picking up after him and I hate it. I’ve talked to him about it, letting him know that neatness is very important to me and that I feel crabby and overwhelmed when things are messy, but nothing changes. It makes me feel very uncared about, and I don’t know what to do.” Continue reading I’m Neat, He’s Messy–What Can I Do?
Are you aware of what state you are in when you and your partner come together?
On a recent visit with my daughter and her family, she and I were taking a walk and talking about our mutual work.
“I read a lot of books about relationships that offer suggestions for how to approach your partner to get your partner to connect with you,” she said. “These books do a great job of describing the ways we behave that cause relationship disconnection—which is helpful—but I have not found it helpful with my husband to TRY to get him to connect with me. We connect naturally when we are both connected with ourselves.” Continue reading Do You Come To Your Partner Open And/or Happy?
“If you ask something of someone and you are upset over their response, then it wasn’t a request, it was a demand.” – Michael E. Angier
Most of us hate being demanded of. We don’t like being put in the position of feeling we have to say ‘yes’ in order to not run into another’s upset with us. Sometimes, to delay the negative response, we might say ‘yes’ and then not do it, hoping that the anticipated anger will never come. We might even mean ‘yes’ in the moment we say it, but because most of us hate being controlled by another, we might unconsciously resist doing what the other person has asked us to do. Continue reading Are You Demanding? Do You Hate Demands?
Are you contemplating divorce? Reading this article may help you decide what is right for you.
In my work with individuals and couples for the last 43 years, I’ve had two very different experiences regarding people who have divorced:
One group of people are happy that they finally left a marriage where they were very unhappy. They feel that they have their life back, and sometimes even their health back. They feel relief and freedom and are proud of themselves that they finally got themselves out of a bad situation.
The other group has huge regrets. They look back and see that, if they had hung in and worked on themselves, they could likely have created a loving relationship. They are disillusioned with their experience of dating, and realize that their ex is a good and caring person. Most of the time their ex has moved on and is in another relationship.
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