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How often have you shared your feelings and the other person became angry and defensive? How often have you heard that it’s good to “share your feelings”? How often have you shared your feelings and it backfired on you? Perhaps you find yourself saying “But I’m just sharing my feelings!” The problem is that . . . → Read More: When It’s Loving To Share Your Feelings…And When It’s Not Do you have the expectation that you will receive unconditional love from a partner? Most of us would love the experience of being loved unconditionally by someone. This is the experience we needed when we were growing up, but most parents are not connected enough with themselves and their spiritual guidance to be able . . . → Read More: Is Unconditional Love Realistic?  Comments are closed  Relationships  enlightenment, God, Inner Bonding, intent to learn, love, loving adult, Margaret Paul, Relationships, self-love, spiritual guidance, spirituality, unconditional love, wounded self Do you judge yourself for the past? Discover why and what to do about it. Brianna wrote to me, asking: “I am having a difficult time forgiving myself of past mistakes and it feels like it haunts me every morning and I get bogged down in swirling thoughts which only holds me back . . . → Read More: Why Can’t I Forgive Myself For My Mistakes? Is sex mostly gone out of your relationship? There are always good reasons for this. Do you identify with Lawrence, whose wife won’t have sex with him? In my work with individuals and couples, I often hear this complaint. Lawrence asks: “Would you please address how one deals with the anger, frustration, hurt, etc., . . . → Read More: “My Wife Won’t Have Sex With Me “ Are you aware of the system you have created with your partner that may be causing you pain?
I have worked with couples for 44 years, and one thing I can tell you for sure: relationships are a system, and each partner has an equal part of the system. People come together at their common level of woundedness – their common level of self-abandonment. In many relationships, each partner is very aware of the other person’s end of the system, but completely unaware of their own end. They tend to trigger the other person’s wounded self with their own wounded self, but they often don’t recognize their own wounded self. Here is an example of this:
Allison asks: “How do you suggest telling someone they’re doing something that hurts your feelings and to ask them to stop? My husband recently accused me of finding a way to blame my depressed feelings on him. He believes that I wake up in the morning feeling depressed and then try to find something to pin it on. My experience is that if he says something that bothers me and I don’t say something right when it happens or if he tells me I’m being defensive and I shut down, that I often wake up feeling resentful the next day, but when I tell him that I’m upset he gets defensive and tells me I have a problem.” Continue reading “How Can I Get Him To Stop Hurting Me?”       Dealing with critical people, especially a parent, is a challenge for all of us. Here are some options for dealing with a critical mother.
Having a critical mother is a big challenge. I know, because I grew up with an extremely critical mother. I can certainly relate to Lori, who asked the follow question:
“Dr. Paul, my question is about what to do to take care of myself with my mother. She comes to visit me every so often, brings her husband along, and goes out of her way to put down everything about my life and the city I live in when she is here. It is heart breaking because I am a loving person and choose to keep my heart open, yet she goes out of her way to hurt me by putting down my life. I want to be me, and be loving and giving, yet it hurts a lot to be open with her. Can you provide some Inner Bonding thoughts on this? Thank you so much!” Continue reading “How Do I Deal With My Critical Mother?” Comments are closed Parenting compassion, Criticism, emotional connection, Inner Bonding, inner child, intent to learn, judgmental, Margaret Paul, projection, Self Help, self-abandonment |
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