“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. but in that casket – safe, dark, motionless, airless – it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy is damnation. The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell.”
The Four Loves, by C.S. Lewis
I am grateful that a friend sent me the above quote, as it wonderfully states a vitally important subject that we all need to struggle with – to love or not to love.
We hear so often, “Don’t take it personally.” What does this really mean? The answer is NOT simple!
Let’s say that you are in a great mood, feeling loving and expansive, and someone – either someone close to you or a stranger like a clerk in a store – is withdrawn or attacking. Continue reading When Should You Take It Personally?
Marcus grew up the eldest of three, with a highly critical mother and an absent father. Marcus’s mother frequently told him or implied that he was too stupid to take care of himself – that he would be nothing without her. She programmed him to believe that she was his only source of love and safety, but that she wouldn’t give him the love he so desperately needed until he proved himself worthy of it by doing things “right”. She taught him to be confused between love and approval, and to be constantly trying to control getting love and avoiding the pain of rejection. Marcus was deeply addicted to self-judgment as a way of trying to have control over getting himself to do things right. Continue reading The Crazymaking Trap: Proving Your Worth Over and Over
“Seek first to understand and then to be understood.” – Stephen Covey
How often have you heard yourself say:
“I just want someone to understand me.”
“I just want to be heard.”
“I feel invisible.”
“I just want to be seen.”
I know what it feels like to not be understood, heard, or seen, as I spent most of the first 45 years of my life feeling invisible.
It feels terrible.
By that time I had learned to do what Stephen Covey recommends. I was very good at understanding others, but I still didn’t feel understood by them. Continue reading “I Just Want to be Understood.”
Allow yourself to be filled with Grace during the 60 seconds of this inspirational video!
Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is a best-selling author of 8 books, relationship expert, and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding® process – featured on Oprah. Are you are ready to heal your pain and discover your joy? Click here . . . → Read More: Inspirational Video – Nourishment for the Soul
How would you feel and what would you do differently in your life if you gave up worrying about what others think of you – if you gave up your illusion of control over others’ feelings and thoughts? . . . → Read More: “What Are They Thinking About Me?”
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