“In a new study using functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI), researchers have found that the same brain networks that are activated when you’re burned by hot coffee also light up when you think about a lover who has spurned you.
In other words, the brain doesn’t appear to firmly distinguish between physical pain and intense emotional pain. Heartache and painful breakups are “more than just metaphors,” says Ethan Kross, Ph.D., the lead researcher and an assistant professor of psychology at the University of Michigan, in Ann Arbor.”
How often have you had the thought, “If you really loved me, you wouldn’t…
Get angry, yell, curse, call names, say mean, untrue things about me
Project your behavior onto me
Withdraw, run away, shut down, sit spaced-out in front of the TV
Resist doing what I ask you to do
Look at other women, have an affair
____________________ (fill in your own)
I used to have this thought all the time. If someone yelled, blamed me, shut me out, didn’t see me accurately, or went into resistance, I would think, “You don’t care about me. If you cared about me, you wouldn’t treat me this way. How can you say you care about me and then treat me this way?” Sometimes I would even say this out loud. And always I would feel deep loneliness and heartache at being treated this way.
Remembering to open your heart to joy and sorrow deepens your experience of love. Watching this 1 minute movie will remind you!
Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is a best-selling author of 8 books, relationship expert, and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding® process – featured on Oprah, and recommended by actress Lindsay Wagner and . . . → Read More: Inspirational Video – Let Your Heart be Touched by Joy and Sorrow
“I freak out when my husband even looks at another woman. I trust him not to wander, so I don’t know why this upsets me so much.””My partner spends too much time with her friends and family. What’s the point of being together if she’s always gone a couple of nights a week?”
“My wife wants to go back to school now that the children are older. She doesn’t need to work, so why does she want to do this? It’s going to take up way too much of her time.”
“My husband has to go out of town for work a lot. I feel so angry about this. What about me?”
“I love to dance and my husband doesn’t, so why does he get so upset when I dance with someone else – even with another woman?”
This is one of the most common complaints I hear in my counseling practice.
We all know that it is generally easy to connect at the beginning of a relationship – before all the protections and defenses come up. But what do you do to reconnect once you feel disconnected from each other?
All of us have some characteristics and behaviors that fall into the category of narcissism. Narcissism is on a continuum from mild, occasional, and subtle to the more ubiquitous, obvious or extreme behaviors of a Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Since narcissism is likely a part of everyone’s ego wounded self, it is helpful to your personal growth and development to be aware of your own level of narcissism.
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