Dealing with critical people, especially a parent, is a challenge for all of us. Here are some options for dealing with a critical mother.
Having a critical mother is a big challenge. I know, because I grew up with an extremely critical mother. I can certainly relate to Lori, who asked the follow question:
“Dr. Paul, my question is about what to do to take care of myself with my mother. She comes to visit me every so often, brings her husband along, and goes out of her way to put down everything about my life and the city I live in when she is here. It is heart breaking because I am a loving person and choose to keep my heart open, yet she goes out of her way to hurt me by putting down my life. I want to be me, and be loving and giving, yet it hurts a lot to be open with her. Can you provide some Inner Bonding thoughts on this? Thank you so much!” Continue reading “How Do I Deal With My Critical Mother?”
Discover what you may need to address before deciding whether you can be friends with an ex partner.
Elise writes:
“My partner and I separated a year ago. My partner now wants to finalize the relationship but work on being ‘friends’. I am having difficulty connecting as just ‘friends’, it seems to trigger all my old wounds of rejection and abandonment. Do you have any advice?”
Elise, the fact that your old rejection and abandonment wounds are getting triggered is a great opportunity for you to become aware of how you are rejecting and abandoning yourself. This is the real issue in the present. Old rejection and abandonment wounds get healed when we learn to give ourselves the love, compassion, gentleness, tenderness, caring and understanding that we didn’t receive as children.
Are you allowing the hand you were dealt to determine what you do in life, or are you willing to make the best of a poor hand?
“Life is not a matter of holding good cards, but sometimes, playing a poor hand well.” – Jack London
Research indicates that holding good cards is actually of great benefit in life. People born into wealthy families, who are emotionally and financially supported to become all they can be, have a great advantage over people from poor and emotionally unsupportive families. People who have to overcome childhood abuse have a much harder time in life than those who were loved. While some challenges do make us stronger, huge challenges such as severe childhood abuse can take such an emotional, spiritual and physical toll that the saying, “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger,” doesn’t always hold true.
Despite all that, each of us has the opportunity to play a poor hand well. Each of us has the opportunity to learn and grow from the big challenges in our lives. Continue reading Persistence: Playing a Poor Hand Well
Do you inspire others with your caring energy, or do you bring others down with your misery?
“You find yourself refreshed by the presence of cheerful people. Why not make an honest effort to confer that pleasure on others? Half the battle is gained if you never allow yourself to say anything gloomy.” —Julia Child, 1912-2004, Chef, Author and Television Personality
What is your primary intention with others – to share uplifting, caring energy, or to get sympathy?
Getting Sympathy
When you are complaining, whining, and being generally gloomy with others, what do you want? Are you trying to connect with them through getting their sympathy? Are you trying to fill some inner emptiness through getting them to feel sorry for you? Have you been programmed to believe that the only way to connect is to share misery and complaints? Do you compete for having the worst complaints – the worst illness, the worst rejections, the worst unfairness, the worst day? Do you ever think to yourself when hearing another’s complaint, “Big deal, that’s nothing. Wait until you hear what I’m going through.” Continue reading Are you Inspiring or Gloomy?
A member of our website asked this question in our advice section:
I’ve read several of the articles on the site, but have not seen anything mentioned about “chasing” after someone who is pulling away in a relationship. That has to be a form of protection against deeper feelings, though, right? If someone is pulling away and the urge to chase after them comes up, what is the best thing to do in this situation? Thanks!
I know exactly what this woman is going through, as I used to go through the same thing. When a man I felt connected to would withdraw, shut down, or pull away in any way, I would feel a sense of panic. In my panic, I would convince myself that by being a certain way – attractive enough, sexy enough, nice enough, right enough, or convincing enough – I could get him to reconnect with me. Continue reading Do You Chase When Someone Withdraws?
Do you feel like a victim of others’ anger, rejection, or withdrawal? Do you need others’ approval to feel you are okay? Do you get thrown off by life events? Learn how to define your own worth and manage your feelings rather than being reactive and needy.
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