Do you inspire others with your caring energy, or do you bring others down with your misery?
“You find yourself refreshed by the presence of cheerful people. Why not make an honest effort to confer that pleasure on others? Half the battle is gained if you never allow yourself to say anything gloomy.” —Julia Child, 1912-2004, Chef, Author and Television Personality
What is your primary intention with others – to share uplifting, caring energy, or to get sympathy?
Getting Sympathy
When you are complaining, whining, and being generally gloomy with others, what do you want? Are you trying to connect with them through getting their sympathy? Are you trying to fill some inner emptiness through getting them to feel sorry for you? Have you been programmed to believe that the only way to connect is to share misery and complaints? Do you compete for having the worst complaints – the worst illness, the worst rejections, the worst unfairness, the worst day? Do you ever think to yourself when hearing another’s complaint, “Big deal, that’s nothing. Wait until you hear what I’m going through.” Continue reading Are you Inspiring or Gloomy?
Discover the surprising statistics about second and third marriages, and why they have such a poor success rate.
“It’s time for me to move on. I’ve learned so much – I just know that next time it will be better.”
“Our new relationship has a great chance, because we’ve both been married before and have learned a lot. We know that this time around we will do it so much better.”
Is this true? Apparently not!
According to research by Jennifer Baker, of the Forest Institute of Professional Psychology in Springfield, Missouri, while 50% of first marriages end in divorce, 67% of second marriages and 74% of third marriages end in divorce.
Do you want to experience intimacy and connection with others, and the joy and aliveness that this offers? You need to start by learning how to love yourself, rather than abandon yourself.
“Intimacy begins with oneself. It does no good to try to find intimacy with friends, lovers, and family if you are starting out from alienation and division within yourself.” – Thomas Moore, author, Care of the Soul
Most of us would love to have intimacy and connection in our lives, yet we often find this elusive. Why?
Thomas Moore puts it in a nutshell. Until we are intimate and connected with ourselves, we cannot experience the greatest joy in life – intimacy and connection with others.
The question becomes: what causes alienation and division within yourself? Just one thing – self-abandonment.
“I freak out when my husband even looks at another woman. I trust him not to wander, so I don’t know why this upsets me so much.””My partner spends too much time with her friends and family. What’s the point of being together if she’s always gone a couple of nights a week?”
“My wife wants to go back to school now that the children are older. She doesn’t need to work, so why does she want to do this? It’s going to take up way too much of her time.”
“My husband has to go out of town for work a lot. I feel so angry about this. What about me?”
“I love to dance and my husband doesn’t, so why does he get so upset when I dance with someone else – even with another woman?”
Have you ever hear yourself say, or said to yourself, “No one appreciates me.”
I used to say this to myself all the time. I was constantly giving myself up to please others, and then ended up feeling completely unappreciated and resentful – until I learned how to take loving care of myself and appreciate myself.
I encountered this recently with Jayden, a young man who consulted with me after his girlfriend left him and he got fired from his job as a construction worker. An alcoholic who had stopped drinking last year, he was back to drinking.
“I gave so much to my girlfriend and worked so hard at the job. I don’t understand this. No one ever appreciates me,” he said with a resentful whine in his voice. Jayden was obviously feeling like a victim of his girlfriend and his boss. Continue reading “No One Appreciates Me”
Comments are closed 
Listen to Dr. Margaret Paul's interview with 
