Infidelity is a huge challenge, but relationships can heal from this and actually become stronger.
Sheldon wrote this question to me during one of my free webinars:
“I am trying to repair my 20-year marriage after my infidelity. I was discovered by my wife two years ago. I had been visiting massage parlors and prostitutes for a period of three years. We spent six months in counseling and made a little progress, but stopped going because of issues with our counselor. My wife is still suspicious of me and has no trust in me at all. How long should I expect before I can regain a little bit of trust. I know that I can’t live the rest of my life like this.”
Sheldon, infidelity is a very challenging issue and there is much to learn from it. Something I’m not hearing in your question is what you have learned in the last two years since your wife discovered your infidelity. Visiting massage parlors and prostitutes is a sign of deep self-abandonment. Seeking these experiences indicates that you felt empty inside and were looking to be filled up externally through sexual experiences. If you have not done the inner work of discovering how you were abandoning yourself and have not learned to love yourself, fill yourself, and be a trustworthy loving adult toward yourself and your wife, then it is unrealistic for her to trust you. Continue reading Healing From Infidelity
Do you often crave solitude, or is being alone too lonely for you? There is an inherent reason for these differences.
“Language has created the word ‘loneliness’ to express the pain of being alone, and the word ‘solitude’ to express the glory of being alone.” –Benjamin Tillett
I find this quote very interesting in the light of recent research on introversion and extroversion.
The research indicates that introversion and extroversion are inborn qualities that stay with us our whole lives. About 20 percent of the population are introverts, which means that their nervous system is very different than that of extroverts. The nervous system of introverts is much more sensitive to stimulation and gets overloaded much more easily than that of extroverts. It is likely that introverts, looking at the above quote, might say, “Well, I’m not sure about the pain of being alone, but I certainly understand the glory of it.” Continue reading Loneliness versus Solitude
Do you have mostly one-way or two-way conversations? What kind of conversationalist are you?
What happens in your conversations with people? The kind of conversation you have with someone says a lot about both you and them.
There are mainly two kinds of conversations: one-way conversations and two-way conversations.
One-Way Conversations
My client, Henry, complained to me that his girlfriend, Giselle, rarely asks him questions about himself, and when she does, she doesn’t respond to his answer but instead goes into something about her. While he is very attracted to her, he is starting to feel lonely with her and uncared for by her. However, Henry does not take loving care of himself in the relationship. From the beginning, because he was so attracted to Giselle, he ignored the signs that something was amiss in the relationship. He was afraid to speak up for himself and ask her, with a true intent to learn, why she does this. Now that they have been together for four months, this is becoming a big issue with him. But all this time Giselle thought it was okay with Henry that she did this, since he never said anything. Continue reading The Art of Conversation
Learn what you can do when you don’t feel appreciated by your partner.
Chris wrote this question for one of my relationship webinars:
“What do you do when you feel you are not loved for who you are? How do you accept your relationship when you don’t feel appreciated, or you think it’s your fault for what happens in your life? How can you change your relationship? How can you make it better?”
There are two ways of dealing with this issue.
Explore Within
Are you appreciating yourself? If you are judging yourself and telling yourself that ‘it’s your fault’ for what happens in your life, then it sounds like you are not seeing or appreciating yourself. Frequently, others treat us the way we treat ourselves. Do you like yourself? Do you love yourself? Do you value yourself? These are the kinds of questions you need to ask yourself. Continue reading “I’m Not Appreciated”
Are you seeking the formula for attracting the partner of your dreams? Here it is!
Rochelle asks:
“If I assess myself quite objectively, if I know my accomplishments as well as my drawbacks, is there a chance to be loved by a worthy solid and wholesome man – the one I feel I`d be happy with? By the one who is objectively stronger and wiser and kinder? `Cause it seems to me that I`m not worthy of him, because I know really bad sides of myself such as envy, unhealthy jealousy, pride, cowardice… And I am still trying to do away with them and do not know how much time it will take to get rid of them for it is a life-time process.”
Rochelle, in order to find the man of your dreams, you need to become the person you are seeking – the strong, wise and kind person you want to partner with. We all have positive and negative qualities, because we all have an incredibly wonderful essence as well as a wounded ego self. Continue reading Finding The Partner Of My Dreams
Are you stuck in your relationship not being able to talk about sex, or getting into power struggles about sex?
Sean wrote in the following question on one of my free webinars about sexuality:
“My wife and I have been married now for eighteen years and for the most part are still very happy together. A year or so ago a friend introduced us to Inner Bonding and both together and alone we have become familiar with the Six Steps. My question for you this evening is, what suggestions do have to help us communicate our sexual needs and desires without so much defensiveness and judgments? Our wounded selves have a powerful dynamic in these regards so fear, of course, enters in with its control/protect mode. And so the dance continues…” Continue reading How to Talk about Sex
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