“In a new study using functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI), researchers have found that the same brain networks that are activated when you’re burned by hot coffee also light up when you think about a lover who has spurned you.
In other words, the brain doesn’t appear to firmly distinguish between physical pain and intense emotional pain. Heartache and painful breakups are “more than just metaphors,” says Ethan Kross, Ph.D., the lead researcher and an assistant professor of psychology at the University of Michigan, in Ann Arbor.”
This is one of the most common complaints I hear in my counseling practice.
We all know that it is generally easy to connect at the beginning of a relationship – before all the protections and defenses come up. But what do you do to reconnect once you feel disconnected from each other?
A member of our website asked this question in our advice section:
I’ve read several of the articles on the site, but have not seen anything mentioned about “chasing” after someone who is pulling away in a relationship. That has to be a form of protection against deeper feelings, though, right? If someone is pulling away and the urge to chase after them comes up, what is the best thing to do in this situation? Thanks!
I know exactly what this woman is going through, as I used to go through the same thing. When a man I felt connected to would withdraw, shut down, or pull away in any way, I would feel a sense of panic. In my panic, I would convince myself that by being a certain way – attractive enough, sexy enough, nice enough, right enough, or convincing enough – I could get him to reconnect with me. Continue reading Do You Chase When Someone Withdraws?
Have you ever said to yourself, “The reason God doesn’t love me is I don’t deserve to be loved?”
Have you ever looked inside to discover why you might not be loving to yourself and answered with, “I’m not worthy of love”?
I hear this all the time from my clients. It is often one of the major false beliefs of the ego wounded self.
What exactly does this mean? When I ask people the question, “Why don’t you deserve love?” they say, “I don’t know. I guess if I deserved love, I would have been loved.” Continue reading “I Don’t Deserve to be Loved”
You and your partner might be hurting each other without realizing how and why you are doing this.
Are you aware of how you may be hurting your partner?
Are you aware of how your partner may be hurting you?
Are you aware of the painful feelings of loneliness, heartache and heartbreak you likely feel when you are disconnected from your loved one and unable to share love?
The sharing of love is the most wonderful experience in life. You connect and share love when you are open hearted with your partner – kind, caring, gentle, tender, understanding, and compassionate. You connect and share love when you are open to learning – listening well and caring about your own and your partner’s feelings, even if your partner is upset about how you might have hurt him or her.
When you learn how to hold your heart with love and compassion, you will discover that you can feel peaceful and even alive and passionate about your life in the midst of the pain of life. . . . → Read More: Holding Your Heart Through Sadness and Heartbreak
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