If you are hard on yourself, do you believe that this is helpful to you? You might want to re-evaluate this false belief.
Are you hard on yourself? Do you think this is a good thing? Do you believe this motivates you to do better? Think again. If you are doing well, it’s likely in spite of being hard on yourself, not because of it.
Many of us grew up with parents and teachers who believed that being hard on us was the way to motivate us. As children, we absorbed their judgments of us and became strict taskmasters with ourselves.
Do you have an expectation that if you were emotionally healthy, you would not feel hurt in the face of others’ judgments or uncaring behavior?
This is not true! Let me explain.
When you are emotionally healthy, you are less likely to be devastated by others’ behaviors, because you have learned to not take them personally. But your heart can still feel loneliness and heartache in response to others’ unloving behavior.
It is very important to learn to lovingly manage these core painful feelings of the heart.
The feelings of loneliness and heartache have vital information for you about what is going on with another person. They tell you whether the other person is open or closed, loving or unloving. You need this information in order to make good decisions about how to take care of yourself around others. Continue reading “How Can I Not Get Hurt By Others’ Judgments?”
Are you focusing on getting your partner to change to avoid a painful choice that you might need to make?
If you find yourself often focused on healing others or hoping you can get others to change, it is likely that you don’t think of this as an addiction. I define an addiction . . . → Read More: Addiction to Getting Others To Change
Is sexual addiction a real thing, or just an excuse for bad behavior?
In a recent article in CNN.com Blogs, (http://thechart.blogs.cnn.com/2012/03/29/new-book-questions-the-myth-of-sex-addiction/?hpt=hp_bn12) psychologist David Ley states in his new book, “The Myth of Sex Addiction,” that there is no such thing as sex addiction—that the term is just an excuse for bad behavior. I disagree with that position. In my view, the label of ‘addiction’ doesn’t excuse anything. That’s because my definition of addiction is anything we do to avoid taking responsibility for our feelings and the resulting behavior. Since my definition centers around choice, it is not about an illness that is ‘happening’ to you, and therefore cannot be used as an excuse.
In my experience, addictions are a result, not a cause. While they can cause many severe problems and even death, the underlying cause is the avoidance of responsibility for one’s own emotions, and sex addiction is no exception. Continue reading Is There Such A Thing As Sexual Addiction?
Discover what might be fueling an addiction to spending, or any other addiction, and how you can heal from all addictions. . . . → Read More: Addiction to Spending
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