Do you understand the difference between self-pity and self-compassion?
There is a vast difference between feeling sorry for yourself and feeling kindness toward yourself.
Self-Pity
When you see yourself as a victim, you indulge in self-pity. You are a bottomless pit of misery, and you may find yourself crying endless victim tears. You might say things like:
“Security is mostly superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing. To keep our faces toward change and behave like free spirits in the presence of fate is strength undefeatable.” ~ Helen Keller
A member of our website asked this question in our advice section:
I’ve read several of the articles on the site, but have not seen anything mentioned about “chasing” after someone who is pulling away in a relationship. That has to be a form of protection against deeper feelings, though, right? If someone is pulling away and the urge to chase after them comes up, what is the best thing to do in this situation? Thanks!
I know exactly what this woman is going through, as I used to go through the same thing. When a man I felt connected to would withdraw, shut down, or pull away in any way, I would feel a sense of panic. In my panic, I would convince myself that by being a certain way – attractive enough, sexy enough, nice enough, right enough, or convincing enough – I could get him to reconnect with me. Continue reading Do You Chase When Someone Withdraws?
I have learned over my 43 years of counseling that no one heals without a personal connection to a spiritual source of Guidance.
William was struggling with issues of shame and depression. He had struggled with feelings of insecurity and jealousy most of his life, despite years of inner work. While he intellectually knew that he was okay, emotionally he never felt it. This was his first phone session with me.
“William,” I asked, “what is your concept of God or a Higher Power?”
“Oh, you know, the traditional Judeo/Christian concept – an old dude up in the sky dishing out judgments.” Continue reading The Law of Love
Have you ever said to yourself, “The reason God doesn’t love me is I don’t deserve to be loved?”
Have you ever looked inside to discover why you might not be loving to yourself and answered with, “I’m not worthy of love”?
I hear this all the time from my clients. It is often one of the major false beliefs of the ego wounded self.
What exactly does this mean? When I ask people the question, “Why don’t you deserve love?” they say, “I don’t know. I guess if I deserved love, I would have been loved.” Continue reading “I Don’t Deserve to be Loved”
“Perception is a mirror not a fact. And what I look on is my state of mind, reflected outward.” – – A Course in Miracles
I remember many years ago seeing the movie “Rashomon” (starring Toshiro Mifune and directed my Akira Kurosawa) where three people saw a murder committed and each saw it completely differently. Of course, each believed that what they saw was the truth. It is hard for many people to understand that perception is a mirror of what is going on for them on the inner level, rather than what is actually going on.
This is very apparent in our relationships with each other. For example, if you believe that you are not good enough – that you are in some way flawed, inadequate, unworthy, unlovable – and someone is rejecting you, it is very likely that you will take the other person’s behavior personally and believe that their rejecting behavior is about you. Continue reading Do You Believe What You Perceive?
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