Have you ever noticed how bad you feel when you try to control things you can’t control – such as others and outcomes?
Larry consulted with me because he was often miserable – despite running a successful business, and having a lovely wife and two daughters, whom he adored.
It soon became apparent that Larry was deeply addicted to controlling everything – his own feelings, how others felt about him, how well his employees performed, what his wife did for him, how well his children did in school, and whether or not anyone ever took advantage of him. His primary intent in life was to be in control and not be controlled. Continue reading Trying to Control Makes us Miserable
Gretchen is typical of many of the clients that I work with. In our first session she said:
I’ve been depressed on and off throughout my life. Medication helped for a while, but now all it does is make me feel more flat and empty. Life seems to have no meaning for me. Nothing looks beautiful. Nothing is compelling to me. I can’t think of anything I really want to do. I’ve tried many forms of therapy but nothing has worked to heal my depression. I don’t know why I’m here on this planet. What is it all about?
Most therapies do not deal with the underlying cause of anxiety and depression. Lila, a member of the Inner Bonding® website, shared this about her healing process:
Do you want emotional connection but can’t seem to create it in your relationships? Learn how in this article! . . . → Read More: Relationships and Emotional Connection
Marcus grew up the eldest of three, with a highly critical mother and an absent father. Marcus’s mother frequently told him or implied that he was too stupid to take care of himself – that he would be nothing without her. She programmed him to believe that she was his only source of love and safety, but that she wouldn’t give him the love he so desperately needed until he proved himself worthy of it by doing things “right”. She taught him to be confused between love and approval, and to be constantly trying to control getting love and avoiding the pain of rejection. Marcus was deeply addicted to self-judgment as a way of trying to have control over getting himself to do things right. Continue reading The Crazymaking Trap: Proving Your Worth Over and Over
If you have the experience of always meeting needy or controlling people, it is likely because you are also needy and controlling and don’t realize it. . . . → Read More: “Why Are My Partners Always Needy?”
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