Is your partner’s messiness driving you crazy? Discover how to resolve this issue in your relationship.
When we meet and fall in love with someone, we often don’t think about what might seem like minor differences, which can later turn into major conflicts. One of these differences that frequently occurs with my clients is neatness vs. messiness.
Vanessa, in one of our Skype sessions, said:
“I’m a naturally neat person and my husband, Derek, is very messy. I’m constantly picking up after him and I hate it. I’ve talked to him about it, letting him know that neatness is very important to me and that I feel crabby and overwhelmed when things are messy, but nothing changes. It makes me feel very uncared about, and I don’t know what to do.” Continue reading I’m Neat, He’s Messy–What Can I Do?
Do you know what creates serenity. Watch this 1 minute inspirational video and learn how!
Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is a best-selling author of 8 books, relationship expert, and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding® process – featured on Oprah, and recommended by actress Lindsay Wagner and singer Alanis Morissette. Are you are ready . . . → Read More: Inspirational Video: Serenity
Are you aware of what state you are in when you and your partner come together?
On a recent visit with my daughter and her family, she and I were taking a walk and talking about our mutual work.
“I read a lot of books about relationships that offer suggestions for how to approach your partner to get your partner to connect with you,” she said. “These books do a great job of describing the ways we behave that cause relationship disconnection—which is helpful—but I have not found it helpful with my husband to TRY to get him to connect with me. We connect naturally when we are both connected with ourselves.” Continue reading Do You Come To Your Partner Open And/or Happy?
A client of mine asked, “Is there such a thing as healthy caretaking?” Here is the answer!
I was trained by my mother and grandmother to be a caretaker. The messages were: “Your feelings are not important to us at all. You need to learn to completely ignore your own feelings and instead take care of our feelings. In return for this, we will occasionally give you some approval for being a good girl.”
I learned my lessons well. I learned to stay in my head rather than my heart and soul so that I wouldn’t be aware of my own feelings. I learned to be very vigilant regarding others’ feelings and to do all I could to be what they wanted me to be. I completely lost touch with myself. Continue reading Is There Such A Thing As Healthy Caretaking?
Were you taught that if you were nice others would be nice?
“I had this really terrible interaction on the phone with a customer on Tuesday,” Carlton told me in our Skype session. “This guy was so closed and controlling. He just kept yelling about what he wanted me to do. I was being really nice, but it didn’t seem to make any difference. The conversation went on for an hour and we didn’t get anywhere. He just kept acting crazy. I ended up exhausted and drained. Why do people have to be like that?”
Carlton is a really ‘nice guy.’ The problem is he believes that his niceness is a way to control getting closed people to open. This was not the first time I’d heard about someone acting ‘crazy’ with Carlton. He had just ended a relationship with a woman who did the same thing. Continue reading Does Niceness Get A Closed Person Open?
Wayne Dyer offers us a simple yet profound definition of enlightenment – simple, but not easy.
“If I could define enlightenment briefly I would say it is the quiet acceptance of what is.” – Dr. Wayne Dyer
As simple as this definition seems to be, how often do you quietly accept what is? Instead, what do you say or do?
I say things like “It’s not supposed to be this way.” “It should have been different.” “It should be this other way.”
Instead of accepting how people are, I try various ways of trying to control them to get them to change and be the way I want them to be, or the way I think they should be. I explain, defend, complain, argue, blame, get angry, threaten, pout, give myself up, be extra loving and so on, rather than accept how they are.
I tell myself lies regarding who someone is choosing to be. I say things like, “Underneath, he has a good heart,” rather than accept that the person is choosing to be abusive, or “I know she loves me,” rather than accept her lack of connection and attraction to me. I act as if my fantasy of someone is the reality, rather than accept the reality.
I tell myself it’s my fault when others are unloving, rather than accept their choice to be unloving. I blame and shame myself, rather than accept who someone is choosing to be. I convince myself that if only I do things ‘right,’ or say things ‘right,’ I can get someone to change. Continue reading What is Enlightenment?
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