When to Share Information....and When to Stay Quiet

By Dr. Margaret Paul
August 16, 2021

Has sharing information that has been very beneficial for you sometimes been a frustrating experience?

relationship adivice, relationship help

Have you had the experience of learning something that feels very important to you, and you really want to share it with a loved one? What often happens?

This is Vicky’s experience:

“When I get a gift of a wonderful awareness – such as with the work I’m doing with Inner Bonding – I would love to share it, but I’ve found that many people seem to resist what I want to share with them. How can I stop wanting to share?”

Of course, we want to share something that we believe would be very helpful to someone we care about. It’s natural to want this, and you can’t stop wanting to share. What you can do is tune into whether or not the person you want to share with generally appreciates that kind of sharing, or if he or she generally goes into resistance.

Sometimes people hear your sharing as a gift; at other times they might hear it as a form of control.

I love sharing things I’ve learned that have been very helpful to me. But I’ve also learned to step lightly regarding sharing until I know whether the person experiences it as a gift or as invasive. This also has a lot to do with my intent. If I’m truly sharing it as a gift, then I have no investment in the outcome – which means that the other person is completely free to accept it or reject it with no negative consequences from me. But if I’m invested in the person doing what I’m offering, then my intent is to control. Most people are very sensitive to the energy of control and may go into automatic resistance.

However, there are some people who are so fearful of being controlled that they go into resistance even if you have no investment in what they do. With these people, it’s not loving to you to offer your ‘gift,’ because it doesn’t feel good to be at the other end of that level of resistance.

Likewise, there are people who are so open and interested in new knowledge that they are appreciative of your sharing, even if you are invested in the outcome.

You can only be responsible for your own intent in sharing, not for how someone responds.

If you are focused on loving yourself rather than on controlling someone else, then you will share only when you have learned – from experience with that person – that they are open to what you offer them.

So, it’s not about stopping wanting to share. It’s about being loving enough to yourself to share only with people who are open to what you have to offer, and not putting yourself in the position of excitedly sharing something that is important to you with someone who has proved to be resistant to what you share.

In close relationships, if you have in the past shared with an investment in the outcome – which is an intent to control – then even if you change your intent, it may take time for your partner to let go of resistance, and trust that you are truly offering a gift instead of trying to control. But remember, even if you do shift your intent, you still have no control over whether or not your partner or another person is open to your gift of information. We always have to be prepared to accept our helplessness over whether others are open or closed.

Heal your relationship with Dr. Margaret’s 30-Day online video relationship course: Wildly, Deeply, Joyously in Love.

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