What Heals Your Ego Wounded Self?

By Dr. Margaret Paul
September 16, 2019

The journey of healing our ego wounded self is a profound and deeply sacred journey.


“Does the wounded self ever get healed?”
“How does the wounded self get healed?”
“What happens to the wounded self as we heal?”

My ego wounded self, like everyone’s, came into being when I didn’t receive the love I needed and I decided that it was my fault – that I wasn’t good enough. I hid away my core self and went about trying to figure out how to be to get love, avoid pain, and feel safe. I developed many of false beliefs about myself and others, and learned to be very judgmental toward myself to have control over getting myself to do things “right”, so that others would like me and not get angry at me or reject me.

Then spirit brought us Inner Bonding and everything changed.

As I developed my spiritual connection, I began to see my wonderful core self through the eyes of my guidance. I saw that there was nothing at all wrong with me – that I am a perfect individual expression of the Divine – just as I saw that there was nothing at all wrong with anyone’s beautiful Divine core self. I began to understand that there was a lot wrong with my ego wounded self, because it was based on the core shame false belief that I wasn’t good enough, and on the illusion of having control over how others feel about me. I saw that when I was telling myself that I wasn’t good enough, it was my wounded self judging my wounded self, but erroneously believing that my wounded self is who I am, as my wounded self knew nothing of my core Self.

Over the years of practicing Inner Bonding, I learned to no longer indulge my wounded self in self-judgment. I learned to feel blessed by my core Self and privileged to take loving care of my Divine soul.


The more I saw and loved my true, core Self, an interesting thing started to happen: My wounded self got quieter and quieter.

As I learned to fully see and love my core Self, then the very basis of my wounded self got healed. Since the basis of my wounded self was that I’m not good enough, my wounded self could no longer operate from that lie.

The more I learned to love and accept my core Self, the more I understood that others’ behavior was not the result of me not being good enough. As I healed this core shame, I naturally gave up the illusion of control. It just followed that if others’ behavior wasn’t my fault because it wasn’t true that I wasn’t good enough, then their unloving behavior was coming from their wounded selves with their core shame false belief and their illusion of control. I gradually accepted my complete lack of control over others’ choices to be loving or unloving, accepting or rejecting. What a relief!

Not only did I stop indulging my wounded self in judging me, but I reprogrammed this left-brain survival part of me that was filled with false beliefs, with positive statements that felt much more true and felt much better than the outright lies. Since control is my wounded self’s form of survival, my amigdala – the peanut-shaped little organ at the base of my left-brain that is the seat of the ego wounded self – actually loved learning to control with positive statements rather than negativity, complaints, and self-judgment.

So now, I rarely hear anything negative from wounded self. Her energy is still there as energy does not die – which was a huge relief to her! – but now her energy is an ally with my loving adult and my core Self. It’s a much better way to live!

Join Dr. Margaret Paul for her 30-Day at-home Course: “Love Yourself: An Inner Bonding Experience to Heal Anxiety, Depression, Shame, Addictions and Relationships.”

Join IBVillage to connect with others and receive compassionate help and support for learning to love yourself.


Comments are closed.