Two Decisions That Skyrocketed My Life

I was brought up to be a caretaker – to put everyone’s feelings and needs before mine. Can you identify with this? Are you trying to be a good and loving person by sacrificing yourself, hoping that if you give enough to others they will love you?

Except, that hardly ever happens. Instead, you give and give and they take and take, until you feel drained, angry, or sick. I felt all three – especially sick. After eating only organic food for many years, I was perplexed regarding why I was so sick. In fact, I was so sick that I knew if I didn’t change something, I would die.

One day I heard my inner voice say to me, “When are you going to start to listen to me? When are you going to even know I’m here? How sick do I have to make you for you to start to taking loving care of me?”

Wow!

I made a new decision that day. I decided that I was willing to lose everyone else rather than continue to lose myself.

I was so scared that if I started to take loving care of myself, rather than continue to give myself up for others, I would discover that the people who said they loved me didn’t. So I had to be willing to lose them.

It was the hardest time in my life. My 30-year marriage ended and my parents disowned me. But this decision saved my life. And for the first time, I started to feel joy. I was finally free to be me!

My Second Life-Changing Decision

Along with deciding to learn to love myself rather than keep trying to get love, I needed to make another new decision. Not only did I want to stop rejecting myself by giving myself up and ignoring my own feelings and needs, I also wanted to be available to truly share love. I had been shocked to realize that all my ‘giving’ was actually a manipulation to get love, and had nothing to do with real loving. I needed to open my heart to loving, but before I could do that, I needed to decide that I was willing be hurt. My heart was closed to sharing love as long as I was protecting against getting hurt.

I had done enough inner work that I believed I was finally strong enough to manage rejection, but I needed to test it out. I needed to fully open my heart to love, and in order to do this, I had to be willing to be hurt.

I’m so grateful that I made these decisions years ago. My life is full of love now!

I recently received the following question:

After an extremely painful divorce 14 years ago, I have rebuilt a life for myself, which is comfortable and peaceful, but I have been unable to connect with men out of fear of being hurt again. I miss the companionship and emotional connection I once had. How can I find the strength to get out of my shell?

I gained the strength by doing my inner work to learn to love myself, which includes taking 100% responsibility for my own feelings and needs. The Inner Bonding process is a very powerful process for learning to do this.