“I really want a relationship, but I keep attracting unavailable people. What am I doing wrong?
“Why do all my relationships end up the same?”
“I’m scared I’m destined to end up alone.”
“I want to share my life with someone. I want to wake up with a partner and share a dream or chat with my partner about the coming day.”
“I want to come home to someone with whom I can share my day. I hate coming home from work to an empty house.”
“I want someone to play with, to watch TV with or go to a movie with, or go on vacation with. I’m so tired of doing these things alone and my friends have their own lives.”
Most people want to share their lives with someone. Yet many people have a very hard time finding and creating a loving connected relationship. Frequently, something is in the way of attracting their beloved.
I have worked with many clients who were able to find the love of their life after healing the fears and blocks that were in the way. Some of the more common fears and blocks are:
1. Fear of engulfment – of losing yourself in the relationship
As much as you might want a relationship, if the fear of losing yourself within a relationship is greater than your desire for a relationship, this fear will win out over and over.
Do you believe that you have to give yourself up to be loved by another? Do you believe that you are not good enough the way you are so that you have to be overly nice and compliant in order for someone to love you? Is this what you’ve done in your relationships?
Giving yourself up is a prescription for never finding your beloved.
2. Fear of rejection
Have you been hurt in relationships? Most of us have. Is avoiding the pain of rejection more important to you than being in a loving, connected relationship?
Relationships can be painful, so until you learn how to manage the possible heartbreak, you might be pushing away the love of your life. Learning how to lovingly manage the loneliness, heartbreak and helplessness of important relationships is vital for being able to attract your life partner.
3. Fear of making a mistake
Are you too cautious because you are terrified of making a mistake – or making another mistake? While we all need to be willing to make mistakes to move forward, there are ways of knowing early in a relationship whether this is the right person for you.
4. Self-abandonment – love addiction, being invisible
When you abandon yourself rather than love yourself, you become invisible to others. Others tend to treat us the way we treat ourselves, so if you are ignoring your feelings, judging yourself, turning to various addictions to numb your feelings and making others responsible for your feelings, you are unconsciously pushing others away and making yourself invisible.
When you make others responsible for your worth and sense of safety, it’s very easy to become love addicted, i.e., addicted to someone giving you the love you are not giving to yourself. This generally taps into the other person’s fear of engulfment and they eventually pull away.
Since we attract at our common level of woundedness or our common level of health, becoming a healthy partner is essential for attracting a healthy partner.
Another important issue in attracting a loving partner is knowing how to tell, early in a relationship, whether or not someone is who they appear to be. There are actually many ways of knowing early on whether or not someone is an appropriate partner for you.
Join Dr. Margaret Paul for her new 30-Day at-home Course: “Love Yourself: An Inner Bonding Experience to Heal Anxiety, Depression, Shame, Addictions and Relationships.”
To begin learning how to love and connect with yourself so that you can connect with your partner and others, take advantage of our Free Help, and take our 12-Week home study eCourses, “The Intimate Relationship Toolbox” and“Dr. Margaret’s Permanent Weight Loss Course” – the first two weeks are free!
Connect with Margaret on Facebook.
Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is a best-selling author of 8 books, relationship expert, and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding® process – featured on Oprah, and recommended by actress Lindsay Wagner and singer Alanis Morissette. Are you are ready to heal your pain and discover your joy? Click here for a FREE Inner Bonding course: http://www.innerbonding.com/welcome and visit our website at http://www.innerbonding.com for more articles and help. Phone and Skype Sessions Available. Join the thousands we have already helped and visit us now!
Listen to Dr. Margaret Paul's interview with 
