How To Know If Someone Is Open or Closed

By Dr. Margaret Paul
July 05, 2021

When you feel lonely with your partner or someone else, are you confused about whether it is because you are closed or because they are closed – or both?


relationship problems

Sabrina asked:

“How do I know if my partner is closed? Do I tune in to myself and assume whatever my inner attunement is telling me is true? Couldn’t my wounded self say my partner is closed when he’s truly not? If I feel lonely with him, is he closed or am I closed? My partner tells me he loves me deeply, but he is not emotive, and I do not feel it. I have been closed to him for years and he has rarely been emotive even in the beginning. The only real emotion I’ve seen from him is the time we ended the relationship. He sobbed like crazy. Later we went back together.”

What I would say to Sabrina is, “You can’t know if your partner is open or closed if you are closed. The way we know whether someone is open or closed is by how we feel being with the other person when our heart is open. If you have been closed to him for years, then you will likely always feel lonely with him. You cannot connect with him when you are closed to him, nor can you feel his love when you are closed. Instead of focusing on whether he is open or closed, why not focus on exploring why you are closed with him? You might want to focus on exploring your own fears and false beliefs that are leading you to be closed to him, by asking yourself, ‘What am I avoiding or trying to control by being closed to him?’

“Whether or not he is emotive doesn’t determine whether he is open or closed.

“He may be a very deeply feeling person – which is indicated by the fact that he sobbed like crazy when you ended the relationship, but not all deeply feeling people emote visibly.

“When your intent is to learn, and your heart is open, and you are connected with your feelings and your higher self – then you will be able to feel when he is open or closed – even if he doesn’t emote. You will be able to feel the difference in energy when he – or others – are open or closed, only when YOU are open. It’s quite easy to feel the difference in frequency between an open or closed heart when we are open, but impossible when we are closed.

“When you are closed, you can’t tune into yourself, so whatever you determine will be coming from your wounded self.

“When you are closed, you have no access to the truth, and the wounded self is more than willing to make things up – such as telling you that he is closed.”

“You might want to explore why you are more concerned with whether he is open or closed rather than whether you are open or closed. You say that he tells you he deeply loves you. How do you feel about him? Are you more concerned with whether he loves you than with whether you love him?

“Loving someone means that we see who they are in their essence and we deeply value who they really are. Have you considered that he may be a deeply feeling person who loves you very much but who is quiet about it? That’s why it’s important to tune into the energy rather than what someone says. Ironically, some people are capable of emoting without any real feeling behind it, so the emoting itself is not a good measure of someone’s feelings. When you are loving with yourself and sharing your love with others, then you can accurately discern another’s heart.”

Heal your relationship with Dr. Margaret’s 30-Day online video relationship course: Wildly, Deeply, Joyously in Love.

Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay



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