Is There Such A Thing As Healthy Caretaking?

A client of mine asked, “Is there such a thing as healthy caretaking?” Here is the answer!

I was trained by my mother and grandmother to be a caretaker. The messages were: “Your feelings are not important to us at all. You need to learn to completely ignore your own feelings and instead take care of our feelings. In return for this, we will occasionally give you some approval for being a good girl.”

I learned my lessons well. I learned to stay in my head rather than my heart and soul so that I wouldn’t be aware of my own feelings. I learned to be very vigilant regarding others’ feelings and to do all I could to be what they wanted me to be. I completely lost touch with myself. Continue reading Is There Such A Thing As Healthy Caretaking?


Real Love Versus Infatuation

Do you know the difference between real love and infatuation? They are light years apart. . . . → Read More: Real Love Versus Infatuation

Does Niceness Get A Closed Person Open?

Were you taught that if you were nice others would be nice?

“I had this really terrible interaction on the phone with a customer on Tuesday,” Carlton told me in our Skype session. “This guy was so closed and controlling. He just kept yelling about what he wanted me to do. I was being really nice, but it didn’t seem to make any difference. The conversation went on for an hour and we didn’t get anywhere. He just kept acting crazy. I ended up exhausted and drained. Why do people have to be like that?”

Carlton is a really ‘nice guy.’ The problem is he believes that his niceness is a way to control getting closed people to open. This was not the first time I’d heard about someone acting ‘crazy’ with Carlton. He had just ended a relationship with a woman who did the same thing. Continue reading Does Niceness Get A Closed Person Open?


“I Don’t Fit In.”

The other morning, I opened our carton of eggs to make my breakfast. I looked at the beautiful eggs we get from our local organic farmer, James Ranch. The eggs were all different colors—light green, white, dark brown, light brown and speckled brown. They were also all different sizes. I felt grateful that I got to look at all the different colors and sizes rather than the same-size, same-color eggs that come in the cartons of store eggs. The thought occurred to me—why is sameness so important to people? Why do they want eggs that are all the same size and all the same color?

I often hear from my clients, “I don’t fit in.” “I’m too different from everyone else.” “I’m an alien.” Continue reading “I Don’t Fit In.”


Inspirational Video: The Greatest Joy In life!

There is often a huge confusion between getting love and sharing love. Watching this 1 minutes movie, “The Greatest Joy In Life,” will help you understand the vast difference!

To begin learning how to love and connect with yourself so that you can connect with your partner and others, take advantage of our . . . → Read More: Inspirational Video: The Greatest Joy In life!

Is There Such A Thing As Sexual Addiction?

Is sexual addiction a real thing, or just an excuse for bad behavior?

In a recent article in Blogs, ( psychologist David Ley states in his new book, “The Myth of Sex Addiction,” that there is no such thing as sex addiction—that the term is just an excuse for bad behavior. I disagree with that position. In my view, the label of ‘addiction’ doesn’t excuse anything. That’s because my definition of addiction is anything we do to avoid taking responsibility for our feelings and the resulting behavior. Since my definition centers around choice, it is not about an illness that is ‘happening’ to you, and therefore cannot be used as an excuse.

In my experience, addictions are a result, not a cause. While they can cause many severe problems and even death, the underlying cause is the avoidance of responsibility for one’s own emotions, and sex addiction is no exception. Continue reading Is There Such A Thing As Sexual Addiction?